Title:  Epiphany
Author:  Cheryl Forbes
Fandom:  Star Trek:  Voyager
Paring:  Chakotay/Tom Paris
Rating:  NC 17
Series:  1 of ?
Email Address for feedback:
Disclaimer:   Voyager and her crew belong to Paramount and not me.

Summary:  Eyes are wide shut and it isn't Kubrick that opens them.

He was walking naked through a dark forest.

Towering trees covered in vines, ferns and moss formed a dense canopy
completely blocking out the sun.  The undergrowth was sparse, only a
few stunted ferns and strangely glowing lichens lined the hard packed

His looked down at the moisture collecting on the hairs of his chest
and groin.  Everything here, including himself was wet even though it
wasn't raining and in this dampness he should be chilled but he
wasn't, the mist felt almost sensual on his skin.  So that meant
either this was a temporal climate or it was his dream that was
responsible for his lack of goosebumps.  He brushed at the water
droplets on his chest and they condensed into a small stream that
trickled down his flat stomach to slick the insides of his thighs as
he walked.  Curiosity led him further down the trail.

Unfamiliar birdsong accompanied him on his journey through the
rainforest.    He peered through the trunks for their source but was
unable to see anything but muted shadows.  He was getting nervous.
It may be scenic here but it was also getting a little eerie.  Seeing
a light in the dimness up ahead he quickened his pace, stretching his
leg muscles as the path inclined upwards.

He reached the crest and emerged in a circular clearing edged in
fog.  The forest ceiling was thinner here allowing for small patches
of sunlight to create a lattice patchwork on the dirt floor.  But
where were the birds?  Straining his ears, he slowly rotated in the
core of the circle willing them to sing again.   All was silent.

Shit, shit, shit, he was having a nightmare.  Looking for the biggest
beam of sunlight he could find he stood in it and hoped the demons
wouldn't be able to find him there.   A movement swished behind him
and he spun, squinting his eyes through the gloom hoping to see it
before it saw him.   He fought down his panic, as the sound grew
closer.  Oh fuck whatever it was, it was here.   He bit his bottom
lip and waited for the evil to come.

"Welcome Thomas."



In the privacy of his quarters, he breaks out the akoona and the
meditation bundle.  He begins solemnly, as always,

"I am far from the sacred places of my grandfathers. I am far from
the bones of my people.  But perhaps there is a powerful being who
will embrace me and give me the answers I seek."

His body clad in only loose fawn coloured trousers and braided
leather band above his right bicep calmed to stillness.  Moments
passed into minutes as he sat crossed legged on the replica of his
grandfather's invocation rug waiting for his ancestors to embrace him.

"Ah-koo-chee-moya."  He repeated his mantra.

When he passed from the corporeal world into his dream world, a soft
welcoming light would embrace him and he would meet his guide.
Normally after chanting the transition was instantaneous however
tonight the light seemed to ignore his call and refuse to come.  He
repeated again the words of his tribe with no effect.  He opened his
eyes in defeat.

"Spirits."  He breathed the word through opened lips not knowing if
he meant it as an entreaty or a curse.

Where was she?  He turned off the blinking akoona and leaned back
against the base of the lounge stretching out his legs before him.

The she-wolf was his link to his past, to present and his future.
She gave him council when he was tormented, gave him empathy when he
was suffering and cultivated his wisdom when he was unsure but she
had never deserted him.   He moved his arms back and pulled himself
up on the lounge.

Had he done something recently to offend her?  He wracked his brain
for a transgression and came up empty.  He lived his life as well and
as honestly as he could.  Life wasn't easy in the Delta quadrant and
spirits knew he'd had more than his share of mishaps but he'd done
everything he could during those troubled times to remain true to his
beliefs.  Or thought he had.

He looked across the living space of his quarters to the chrono on
his desk.  It was late and he had an early briefing to attend in the
morning.  With hope Chakotay heaved himself off the couch and headed
for bed.

Maybe she would welcome him in his dreams.


"Holy fuck!"

"You're only half right Thomas."

A large silver lupine creature emerged from the shadows of the

He swallowed his heart back into place and addressed the monster that
had the starring role in his nightmare.   "Who are you?"  It sat on
down on its haunches in front of him.

"A friend."

"Oh yeah what kind of 'friend'?  The kind that eats you before or
after they suck your brains out your eye sockets?"

Her, he was pretty sure it was a her, head tilted to one side in what
appeared to be amusement.

"Would it help if I told you I wasn't hungry right now Thomas?"

"Yeah it would."

"Very well."  The wolf settled down on her front haunches and eyed
him speculatively.  "I just had big dinner and couldn't eat another
bite.  Feel better?"

Her voice was soft and calm and he found himself responding to it.
He sat down on the forest floor and crossed his legs.

"OK so if you're not going to have me for supper when are you going
to turn into a drop dead gorgeous woman and fuck me?"

"I don't."

"No?  This is 'my' dream isn't it?"

"Not exactly."

"That sounds ominous."

"Yes I'm pretty good at that."  Her silver tail curled around her as
she positioned her body into a more relaxed position.  "I'm a here as
a messenger Thomas."

He'd had some freaky dreams before but this one topped the list.  Not
only was this one extremely vivid, it was extremely talkative.
Normally the participants in his dreams either screwed him or killed
him and this one it seemed didn't have the inclination for either.
He didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved so he went with

"OK what the message then?"

"It's time to claim what you own.  It's time for his epiphany."

Epiphany?  Wasn't that when someone saw the light?  OK so far all
this was as about as clear as the mud his balls were sitting in.

"Excuse me?  What do I own and whose eyes are supposed to be opened?"

She seemed pleased the he understood her reference but a little
pissed he didn't know who she was talking about.


"The commander's?"  Oh now he got it, well at least some of it.
According to some archaic custom of his, he owned the first officer's
life for saving his sorry ass on the Ocampan home world six years
ago.   At the time it had been sort of cool to have something over on
the man but after the last few years of getting to know in him in a
non-adversarial environment he'd shifted the oath to a far recess in
his brain and marked it as irrelevant.  It hadn't been an issue
between them for years and he rarely thought about it.

"I don't really think I own his life and reminding him of that fact
isn't going to make him a happy camper.  I think he's glad I've
forgotten all about it."

"I'm sure he is but the fact remains that you do and it is yours do
with what you will.  It's your right Thomas."

"But I don't want his life."

She did the head tilt thing again and her gray eyes glittered at
him.  "Are you sure?"

"Yeah I think so."  He was pretty sure he was missing something here.

"Before you make you're mind up, may I give you something to

"It's your show."

"You share it with him."

"Share?  You can't mean like being his best friend because I already
got one of those, his name is Harry."

"No Thomas I don't."

His eyes opened wide and he had his own epiphany.

"You want me to fuck him?"

"Yes that would be part of it.  You would be his lifemate."

Oh no fucking way!  Besides the fact that the obviously hetro
Chakotay would probably smack him upside the head if even tried to
make a pass at him, there was no way in hell he was ready to make
that kind of commitment to anyone.  He was having too much fun with
the Delaney's, Sue Nicoletti, not to mention the sweet faced Crewman
Gerron to settle down to one person for the rest of his life.


"Do you think he wouldn't want you?"

"No I don't think, I pretty much know the commander wouldn't be
interested in me.  The captain is more his style.  If you want him to
have an epiphany maybe you should making a house call on her instead
of me."

"No Thomas you're it.  He will want you and you will want him.  It's
the way it should be."

"And what Supreme Being whispers in your ear?"

The she-wolf raised from the ground and came within inches of his


"Yeah well I hope she brings her friends, Miracle and Hope."

"She doesn't have to Thomas they're already here."

"Oh yeah where are they then?"

A padded paw rose and rested on his chest.

"Right here Thomas, where they've always been.  Just look and you'll
find them standing right beside the love you hold for Chakotay."

With that and a defiant flick of her tail the wolf disappeared back
into the mists of the rainforest.

He fell on his back in the moist soil.  This was crazy.  Chakotay
would never accept him as a lover.   Even if he liked men, he
wouldn't be the kind of man he'd like let alone love.  OK hormones
where hormones.  If he tried he might be able to get the commander to
at least wonder what was on the other side of the fence if not have
him actually climb over it.  But to be able to make him stay there
and make a life of it would be a whole other story.  Could he do that
and did he want it if he could?  He lay in the mud speculating.

He was half way to naming their firstborn before he realized what he
was doing.    Fuck!  Chakotay wasn't his type and it was best he
stopped thinking that he might be right now.  He sat up and placed
his head in his hands.

Shit.  This was a nightmare after all.


What the hell was the matter with Paris?

Chakotay shifted his eyes from him back down to the PADD in his hand
while listening to the captain talk.

They were entering a system that had formed an alliance of planets
very much like their own Federation but smaller in scale.    The
Affinity as they called themselves was commemorating the centennial
of their formation and had invited Voyager to join the celebration.

"We'll be traveling through these peoples space a few days so I want
everyone to be on their best behavior tonight."

That wouldn't be a problem for him because he didn't intend on
attending the party.  He slept like hell last night and all he
planned on doing this evening was trying to contact his guide again
and going to bed early.

"Attendance will be mandatory people."  As if reading his thoughts
the captain directed her next comment to him. "No exceptions."

He gave her a look of defeat and then glanced at the pilot briefly
before redirecting his gaze to the PADD.  Spirits he was still
watching him.  While it was not necessarily an uncomfortable
sensation to be the focus of those brilliant blue orbs, it was still
disconcerting.    What the hell was the man seeing today that he
didn't see yesterday?  Had he done something recently that justified
this scrutiny?  If he ever needed the council of his guide now was it
but she was avoiding him as much as the lieutenant was not.  Damn!

The captain dismissed the meeting and he stood.  Paris rose from his
chair in tandem with him and not being able to stand it any longer
Chakotay returned the stare full force.  That's when the lieutenant
did something he never seen the man do before.

He blushed.


His eyes followed the delicate tracings of the tattoo on the strong
face and the sounds in room became distant as he drunk in the rest of
the man's quiet strength.  Gods the man was gorgeous.  Why hadn't he
noticed that before? For the same reasons he was noticing now he

Chakotay was a strong personality, one that would demand dominance
and definitely not his usual type.  Tom had enough of that bullshit
growing up and as adult pursued relationships where he was the one
with the upper hand.  Women and men like Gerron who were born bottoms
gave him a sense of control and as a result, a shield from the hurt.

It would be dangerous to his emotion stability going after a man like
the commander.  He would have to let down his guard and would be
especially vulnerable to his probable rejection.  Gods he didn't need
that kind of pain in his life so why was he even considering it? He
studied the man across from him at the conference table.

The captain made some remark causing the first officer to look up
from his PADD and before he resumed his perusal of the slim
instrument, his dark eyes brushed his.  The contact was brief but it
was long enough to send sparks of electricity through his entire body
and he had his answer, lust.

The wolf in his crazy dream wasn't too far off.  He did want Chakotay
but not all of him just his body.  It was a risk but to have that
strong beautiful body under his for even one night would be worth it.
Chakotay wouldn't have to love him to fuck him and vise versa.  It
didn't have to mean anything more than mutual satisfaction and
passion, did it?


He broke from his reverie and his body already in tune with the
commander's rose from its chair at the same time.  As Tom prayed
silently that the bulge in pants wasn't sticking out like a beacon, a
pair of ebony eyes assaulted him.  He felt an unfamiliar burn in his
cheeks and exited the conference room quickly.

Shit, score one for the wolf.


Yada, yada, yada.

Tom listened patiently to his host explain the many cultural exhibits
the various planets in the Alliance had on display in the vast
hall.   Where the fuck was Chakotay?  The man mistook his searching
eyes for interest and prattled on.

"And outside in the courtyard are food stands, a refreshment tent and
a demonstration of native dancing."

There was an outside?  Knowing the commander had a thing for wide-
open spaces, he politely disengaged himself from the talkative local
and headed for the exit.

Three natural satellites glowed amongst the stars over a large field
filled with tents and people.   As Tom walked through throng he was
reminded of the carnivals he had visited while attending the academy
in France.   The cornucopia of lights, colours and smells filled his
senses and invigorated him.  This was a wonderful place to be and now
all he needed was someone to share it with.  He continued his search
down the centre walkway spying a Federation uniform from time to time
but not the one he wanted.

The avenue ended at spacious glade with a great bonfire in the
middle.  Around the fire was a ring of dancers and around the dancers
was a ring of spectators sitting on long rough-hewn benches and
sitting mesmerized by the activity before him was his commander.  Tom
wandered over and squeezed in a seat between the first officer and
the man next to him.  It was a little close but he didn't mind in the
least bit.

"Come here often?"  Chakotay turned his head and took notice of his

"Tom?"  The use of his first name fanned the flames of arousal all
ready building from the touch of his muscled shoulder and thigh
against his.

"Right in one."  He gave the commander his best come fuck me
smile. "So what's going on?"

He didn't smile back and turned his head to the dancers.

"It's a courtship rite."  Tom watched the fire light play over the
features of his handsome face.


"Yes it's fascinating."  His voice paused.  "I'm not."

The pilot let his voice lower to a silkier level. "That's a matter of

He felt the body beside him tense.

"Watch or leave Lieutenant."

Oh we were back to formal titles again were we?  Slowing his pace of
seduction he tore his eyes from the commander to the pairs of mostly
nude bodies twirling around the bonfire to a primal drumbeat.

Some of the couples were men and women, some were women and women and
some, hoping the first officer noticed were men and men.  They moved
in graceful precision circling each other, touching their partners
with feathered caresses using only their fingertips.  It was
incredibly erotic and it impelled Tom to let his hand rest gently on
the commander's upper thigh.

He heard a sharp intake of breath but no protest.  OK so far so
good.  Tom watched the dancers, letting the commander get used to his
touch before moving his fingers.  After a few minutes passed, he
found the rhythm in the drumbeat and matched it with small sideways

Chakotay's breaths became shallow and his knees parted slightly,
pressing his leg closer to his.   Chancing a look, Tom saw that the
first officer's eyes were closed and he was biting his bottom lip.
Oh fuck!  If he had any residual doubts about his need for the big
guy they were dashed now.  The man was incredible in his arousal.
Feeling embolden, Tom let his fingers creep closer to the hardness he
knew he would find.

Unfortunately when he came within centimeters of his goal the music
stopped and the commander's eyes flew open.  The crowd around them
stood clapping and in confusion the commander looked straight ahead
following suit.  Feeling a little shell shocked himself Tom stood and
not wanting to lose the ground he gained, he racked his brain for a
way to keep the commander with him.


"What?"  Unfocused eyes darkened by desire turned to him.

"There's a refreshment tent on the midway, would you like to check it

"All right."

Score one for Thomas.


What the hell was he doing?

They entered a dark tent filled with clamoring voices and bodies
looking for room at the bar.  They found a space big only enough for
one however they managed the fit by turning sideways facing each
other.  He waited while Tom got them both a glass of what passed for
beer on this planet.

His head was reeling with sensory input.  The dance and Tom's touch
had left him confused, disorientation and more excited than he been
in a very long time.  He felt the press of the pilot groin against
his as he reached for their drinks and grabbed the bar for support.
Spirits how could this be happening?  This wasn't Kathryn or some
other beautiful female this was Tom Paris making him so horny he
could barely think.

It wasn't because he was a man, well not entirely.  Chakotay had been
with men before but he found he preferred to be the stronger one in a
sexual encounter and therefore most of his relationships had been
with women.  No it was because this was Tom Paris.  A man who took
his pleasures at random, without devotion or love.  He was somebody
whose morals were diametrically opposed to his own and Chakotay was
disturbed by his reaction to him.


Tom handed him a frothing mug and raised his own in salute.


He needed to stop this now before it went further and as he made to
say so, he felt a hand on his butt.  It wasn't Tom's.  He felt a hot
breath on his neck and turned to face a one of the natives of this

"Would you like to see the sunrise with me?"

Before he could answer Tom's arms wrapped around his mid-section and
took the words from his mouth.

"No he wouldn't."

The alien looked over his shoulder and left bowing in deference.  His
space at the bar was replaced moments later by a broad back that
showed no interest in him.

The crisis passed he made to move back to original position but was
locked in place by strong arms.

"Don't."  He felt Tom's mouth close to his ear.  "Please."

Before he could formulate an answer the pilot's hands caressed his
chest, rubbing his nipples through the fabric of his uniform bringing
them to hardness.  He leaned back into the pilot's body and was
further rewarded by soft kisses on the nape of his neck.

"Do you know how beautiful you are to me Chakotay?"

It might have been a line Tom used on all his conquests but at the
moment he didn't care.  Unable to catch his breath his response
wasn't any more than a whisper.


"Let me show you then."

A hand left his chest to travel and down his stomach to his aching
erection.   He felt the fastenings of his pants loosen and he bit his
bottom lip to keep from crying out and alerting the man in front of
him as the pilot palmed his cock.  Tom's hand was deft and sure and
in very little time he erupted slicking the passage the lieutenant's
hand.  This time a moan did escape his lips as his knees buckled but
nobody looked and nobody cared.

Tom embraced him with one arm to keep him from falling and with his
free hand he used napkins from the bar to clean him.   As his senses
returned to normal he had the semblance of mind to do up his own
trousers.  When he was done, the soft kisses returned to the base of
his neck.

"I want you Chakotay."

Guilt mixed with fear descended on him.  He knew what Tom was asking
but he couldn't do it.  It was bad enough he'd surrendered to his
baser emotions and had allowed the pilot to give a hand job in a
public place, there was no way he could carry it further and allow
the man to corrupt him completely.


The arms that held him stiffened and fell away.  Even though he was
now released from Tom's hold, he found he couldn't turn to face him.

"Why?"  He heard the pain in his voice but was unable to soften the
words that needed saying.

"It isn't right."

"Right, oh yeah stupid me.  Well forgive me all to hell for
forgetting that as you called my name and came into my hand!"

He felt the lieutenant brush by his shoulder as he left the
refreshment tent.