Disclaimer: Star Trek and its characters are the property of Viacom/Paramount. I am just borrowing them for fun, not profit. And in case I need to mention it, Disneyland and its characters are the property of Disney. I am just borrowing them this one time for fun also, not profit. No disrespect intended to anyone.

Synopsis: This is a small bit of fluff highlighting the conversation of two Voyager crewmembers while they pursue a program on the holodeck. Which two crewmembers, you ask? Well, let me just say "P/T". And the program? Have you heard of the Magic Kingdom, the Happiest Place on Earth? Now you have a clue. Yes, my mind is a little warped. Hope you enjoy anyway :-) This scenario takes place around the middle of the fourth season, after Tom and B‘Elanna‘s romantic relationship has been firmly established. Rated PG13. Comments to Juli17@aol.com.

"The Happiest Place on the Holodeck"
by Julie Evans

You are accessing Main computer Holodeck directory, file 874344-21, Holodeck audio subfile 54321-32 to 54367-59. Warning This subfile has been corrupted due to faulty audio circuit transmission. Audio breaks and missing data have been detected. Proceeding to load incomplete file.

*****Initiate recording*****

"What is this place again, Tom?"

"It‘s an amusement park from the late 20th century."

"An amusement park?"

"Yes, a place where people went to suspend reality for a while, sort of like the holodeck. In this case they took rides through themed environments, ate junk food all day, that sort of thing. This was one of the more popular parks, called Disneyland. It was also known as the Magic Kingdom, or the Happiest Place on Earth. It actually still exists in altered form in the Los Angeles historical corridor on Earth. But this is a recreation of the park in its heyday."

"Hmmm. It‘s very...clean."

"Yes, Disney was famous for it‘s clean cut image. And they had a lot of janitors."

"What‘s the purpose of this castle?"

"It‘s Sleeping Beauty‘s castle."

"Sleeping Beauty?"

"A fairy tale from ancient Earth. Look, there‘s a recreation of her right behind this glass partition over here."

"She looks a little...comatose."

"She‘s sleeping, hence her name. An evil queen cast a spell on her. Someday her prince will come along, and his kiss will awaken her from her slumber."

"What if he doesn‘t come along?"

"Then I guess she would sleep forever. But in the story he eventually shows up."

"So she doesn‘t get to have a life until someone wakes her up."

"Not just someone. Think of it as an allegory. One kiss from one particular person wakes her up, and she realizes what she‘s been missing. What she‘s been looking for all her life but she just didn‘t know it. Love. A lonely, tortured soul saved by a kiss from the right person. Sound familiar, B‘Elanna?"

"Yes, but you weren‘t wearing a dress."

"Ha, ha. Very funny."

*****audio connection lost*****

*****resume transmission*****

"So, what do you think so far?"

"What‘s with this theme of young girls getting victimized by evil queens and stepmothers? Cinderella and Snow White didn‘t need a prince either, they needed to kick someone‘s butt."

"It‘s an old fairy tale standard, the damsel in distress saved by the handsome prince. I think it has it‘s charms."

"Of course you do."

"Don‘t forget, Alice didn‘t get victimized, she just fell down a rabbit hole into another world. B‘Elanna....hey, are you still here?"

"Uh...yes. Sorry."

"And what about Peter Pan? He wasn‘t even a girl."

"Ah, yes. I rather liked that one. The boy who didn‘t want to grow up, who only wanted to fly. He reminded me of someone, but who?"

"I guess I‘m just a little boy at heart. Maybe that‘s why I couldn‘t wait to ride Dumbo."

"Did people back then really think riding on a plastic flying elephant for a couple of minutes was worth standing in a line like that?"

"Waiting in line for an hour for a three minute ride was part of the charm of the amusement park experience. Ah, here are the Teacups. Fancy a spin, B‘Elanna?"

"Tom, spinning in circles isn‘t really something the Klingon equilibrium handles well."

"Yeah, it kind of makes humans nauseous too, but that‘s part of the fun."

"I think I‘ll pass- hey!"

"B‘Elanna! What are you doing?!"

"That...thing grabbed me!"

"That‘s Goofy. He‘s one of the Disney characters. He just wanted to give you a hug and shake your hand. That‘s his job."

"Well, he shouldn‘t have snuck up on me like that."

"You okay, Goofy? She really didn‘t mean to kick you in the stomach.

Did you, B‘Elanna?"


"It‘s all right, kids. Goofy will be fine. See, he‘s almost able to stand up now. It hardly hurt at all. And luckily, kids, your little psyches are holographic like you, so no harm done."


*****audio connection lost*****

*****resume transmission*****

"Is this a joke?"

"You have to suspend belief a little, B‘Elanna. It‘s not expected to be taken literally."

"I have to pretend to be frightened by a bunch of primitive holographic images that are supposed to represent ghosts?"

"Exactly. This is the Haunted Mansion after all. And it was the twentieth century you know. Holographic imaging technology was in its infancy."

"Okay, but that doesn‘t explain the fact that these ghosts are a little too... convivial to be scary."

"They like a good party. What else is a ballroom for if not dancing ghosts?"

"There certainly are enough of them. There‘s hardly room for the bodies in this graveyard with all the ghosts popping out everywhere."

"Any other complaints, B‘Elanna?"

"It‘s cold in here."

"Well, we are in the chilling presence of the supernatural. But perhaps I can do something about that....... Better?"

"Ummmmm. Yes...."

"That was another tradition of amusement parks. A man and a woman together in a small space in a dark ride. A perfect excuse for a little cuddling..."

"Hmmm. I see what you mean....too bad the ride‘s over."

"We can always go again..."

*****audio connection lost*****

*****resume transmission*****

"Now, why aren‘t I surprised that this is your favorite ride, Tom?"

"Steering a ship boldly plying the Caribbean, seeking adventure, finding treasure, consorting with beautiful women. What more could a man want?"

"Oh, yes, marauding, looting, stealing other people‘s treasure, and now auctioning off women to the highest bidder. What could be more appealing?"

"I guess I‘m just a pirate at heart, B‘Elanna."

"And I suppose you want that redhead, too."

"Nope. I don‘t want anyone but you, B‘Elanna. Now as for the red

dress she‘s wearing... I‘m getting some ideas for a new holodeck

program. Me as a pirate, you in that red dress-"

"Not EVEN in your dreams, Tom."

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate‘s life for me."

"Oh, please. Wait, this is more like it. All the pirates are behind bars where they belong."

"But that dog has the key, if they can just reach it."

"Don‘t you ever give them that key, you mangy mutt!"

"B‘Elanna, they were just looking for a little fun. Don‘t you feel kind of sorry for them now that the jail‘s burning down around them?"

"Uh huh, sure I do..."

*****audio connection lost*****

*****resume transmission*****

"So you‘re trying to tell me someone actually faced all these adversities on Earth. Evil eyes, curses, snakes, poison arrows, falling rocks, collapsing bridges..."

"Yeah. Indiana Jones. I think he was real anyway. Look, that‘s him right there."

"The mannequin wearing the fedora and carrying the whip?"

"Yep. He was fearless and determined, ready to face down any adversary. And he was pretty handsome, too. Doesn‘t he kind of remind you of me?"

"He obviously manages to attract as much trouble as you do, anyway.


"It gets a little rough through this part."

"This whole ride is a little rough. I‘m getting jolted all over the place. It‘s surprising the fragile human skeletal structure could take it."

"Are you kidding. My grandmother could ride this."

"With her chiropractor?"

"So you really don‘t think of me when you look at Indiana Jones?"

"Sure I do. I think of what fun we could have with that whip..."

*****audio connection lost*****

*****resume transmission*****

"B‘Elanna, be nice."

"I am. I just don‘t get it. Through this whole ride they‘ve been singing the same thing. Don‘t they know another song?"

"That‘s why it‘s called It‘s a Small World. I think in the original they sing the song in all Earth‘s languages. But I forgot to program the Universal Translator out, or we could have heard it in German, Chinese, Swahili, and so on."

"In which case I wouldn‘t have understood the words. That might have been a lot more enjoyable."

"You don‘t enjoy the sentiment, B‘Elanna?"

"I‘m sure it‘s very....sweet. But not two hundred times in a row."

"Don‘t you like all the native costumes?"


"I think they‘re cute. Imagine if we had a bunch of little kids-"

"I don‘t think we‘re quite ready to look that far ahead yet, Tom."

"Wouldn‘t you love to dress them all up in those little outfits..."

"Tom, there are at least a hundred children- dolls- in this room

alone. I hope you‘re not suggesting-"

"A few less. Maybe just a dozen or two."


*****audio connection lost*****

*****resume transmission*****

"Space Mountain: A high speed, twisting, turning, turbulent ride through outer space. Isn‘t that kind of reminiscent of flying in a shuttle with you, Tom?"

"I‘ll remember you said that, B‘Elanna, next time we‘re on a shuttle mission together."

"If this is another one of those rides where you get jerked around like an oscillator, I‘m not sure I want to go on it. I think I‘ve had enough of those."

"B‘Elanna, as they would have said in the twentieth century, don‘t be a wuss."

"A what?"

"A wuss. A wimp. A cowar---uh, never mind. Aaaah!"

"Too late, Tom. I already got it. Let‘s go."

"I guess I don‘t have to wait for the ride to give me whiplash."

*****audio connection lost*****

*****resume transmission*****

"Are you sure you don‘t want anything else?"

"No. I‘ve had enough popcorn, and hot dogs, and soft drinks to last me a while, Tom. I think I‘m starting to look forward to Neelix‘s cooking tonight."

"Okay. Then I have a present for you."

"A present?"

"A little something you can‘t leave Disneyland without."

"What is that thing? Tom, don‘t you dare try to put that on my head!"

"B‘Elanna, they‘re Mickey Mouse ears. It‘s tradition to wear them."

"Well, then, let me see you put yours on first."

"Okay. See, it didn‘t hurt at all."

"You actually look sort of...cute in those, Tom."

"Really. Hmmm...so do you."

"Thank you, Tom. I had a good time."

"You did?"

"Yes, it was fun. We‘ll have to do it again, only next time I‘ll take you to a Klingon amusement park."

"Klingons have amusement parks.?"

"In a manner of speaking. They‘re parks. Klingons find them amusing. It doesn‘t involve simulated theme rides though. It involves contest arenas, where you engage in activities like hand to hand combat, Targ wrestling, obstacle courses through parasite infested swamps, that sort of thing. I‘ve heard it can be a very stimulating experience. If you‘re not too much of a wuss."

"I look forward to it. I think. In the meantime, is there anything else I can do to make this particular holodeck adventure a more memorable experience for you?"

"Maybe just one thing..."

"What‘s tha---ahhh. Ummm. Oh, B‘Elanna..."

"Oh, Tom...ummm..."

"Ahhh...yes. That feels...good..."

"How about this, Tom...maybe a little lower..."

"Oh, yes...B‘Elanna, wait! Not in the middle of Main Street USA!"

"Then, Tom, I suggest we retire to your quarters or mine. Now."

"Computer, end program."

*****End transmission. File closed*****