Title: Thoughts

Summary: B'Elanna thinking about different things (her mind is wandering) while Tom is gone. Takes place after 'Lineage'. Rated PG
Disclaimer: Voyager is owned by the Almighty Paramount. I own nothing but this story and my white-turned-gray stuffed rabbit named Bunny, but that's another story

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He's gone again. On another away mission. Why does he always volunteer for such crazy away missions? Yes, I know I'm being unfair, since I did volunteer for a crazy away mission once. Tom wasn't too happy about the idea of me being assimilated.

"It could save lives," I told him.

"But if you lose yours, then two lives would be lost."


"Because I would die without you."

He tried very hard to get me to stay. But, I'm a very stubborn half-Klingon, as I am constantly reminded by my beloved Tom Paris, and I wouldn't stay. He knew that. I don't blame him for trying so hard to get me to stay. He was crying tears of joy when I was returned to him, safe and unassimilated. I cried too. I had remembered him everyday, thanks to the Doctor's neural suppressant.

This is ridiculous. He's only gone to a planet to get dilithium. To an uninhabited planet. For three hours. I wanted to go, but I can't, since I'm in a 'delicate condition' as Tom put it. Why did he have to go when I'm so close to giving birth?

Maybe my worries aren't so stupid after all. Once, we thought a planet was uninhabited, Chakotay and Tuvok were kidnapped. I wonder if Tom worries when I am on away missions. I haven't been on one in months, though, so I don't know why he would worry. Tom could probably come up with lots of reasons to worry. I can just hear him complaining about I have one of the most dangerous jobs on Voyager. He has every right to worry, just as I am worrying right now. He is very protective of me, and the baby.

Our unborn daughter. Miral. That's what we are going to call her. It was my mother's name. Miral Paris. It has a nice ring to it. Tom Paris, Miral Paris, and B'Elanna Torres. I might as well be a second cousin. B'Elanna Paris. I like that. The Paris Family. If I take Tom's last name, then there would be two Lieutenant Parises. We already have two Ensign Delaneys.

B'Elanna Paris. It sounds so natural. No wonder Tom thought I was crazy when I suggested we change his name to Tom Torres. B'Elanna Paris sounds a lot better.

Little Miral, kicking. She's been doing that alot lately. Only a month left, then you can come out. I remember the look on Tom's face when I told him I was pregnant. His jaw nearly fell off his head, then he broke into one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen him wear. He hugged me, picked me up and spun me around, all while laughing his beautiful laugh. He was beyond ecstatic. Forget happiness, there is no word in any language to express his feelings when I told him. It took him a good ten minutes to calm down. That night, we found out that our child was a girl. He wanted to start picking names immediately. Every day, when he comes home from work, he kisses my round stomach and says hi to our unborn bundle of joy. We picked the name 'Miral' after three days.

I can't believe this. I'm pregnant. And I have a husband who I love so much it hurts when I'm away, and when I see him, I am so filled with love I feel like I should carry around a bucket to catch the love that falls out. And the most amazing fact is that he loves me just as much. I see it in his eyes, feel it in his touch, hear it in his voice. 

Why does he have to go on away missions anyway? Why can't he wait? If he dies, I will be left to care for this baby alone. I don't want that. I want Tom to be here with me forever. I want us to be together and happy to see Miral be born, and grow up. He thinks I get annoyed when he wants to play Captain Proton, or watch cartoons. But I don't. I think it's adorable, and I would love to she Miral grow up, and be just like her dad. A success in everything she wants to do. 

Tom told me that for a long time, all he wanted to do was grow up and have a family, have a successful career, and a beautiful wife and kids. 

"Did you reach your goal?" I asked him.

"No, I went beyond my goal with you."

Two people have ever made me cry: my father, and Tom Paris. A hundred people think they know me, but in reality, only one person does: Tom Paris. Chakotay thought he everything about me. He's like my older brother, and there are somethings you just don't tell your older brother. Chakotay has never even seen me cry. Tom Paris is the only one to see me cry. I hd in my room when my father made me cry, and wouldn't come out until my tears were dry and my eyes were no longer pink and puffy.

Tom. He's back. How do I know these things? I have no idea. I just do. Best thing is, I know whether he's OK or not. And right now, he's fine. He should walk in this door in about five minutes, but I don't want to wait that long. I'm already at the turbolift. And so is Tom.

"Tom!" I shout, to happy to keep my emotions hidden until we reach our quarters. "I missed you."

"I was only gone three hours," he says back as he envelopes me in a hug.

"I know, but to me it was an eternity."

We stand there for a while, just hugging. Until I jump back, my hands staying on his shoulders.

"What is it? Is it--?"

He thinks I'm going into labor. I shake my head. I simply take his hand, and press it against my stomach. A big smile breaks out on his face. Miral is kicking. I don't know how, but somehow she knows exactly when to kick. He laughs his little 'I'm so happy I could burst' laugh I love so much. He pulls me into another laughing hug, and I know that it will be like this every time he comes home.