Title: Open Wounds
Author: Elli- firstname.lastname@example.org
Rating: PG- 13
Codes: P, P/T, Crew
Archive: PTCollective, TPD
Disclaimer: Everything Star Trek belongs to Paramount. This story is mine.
Summary: Coda to Day Of Honor and Revulsion
Dedicated to the DOH list, Jean and Mel and Margaret Berger
It was quiet. Too quiet. He couldn't sleep. Again. Only two days ago he had control. But now it was all gone.
Why was it so difficult? To feel. To share.
He remembered it so clearly. He had wished for so long. And now? Fear. Nothing but fear. He had been so sure. So sure he could make it. But her confession had ripped it all apart.
He had been such a coward. There had gone, soothing her.
*Well, I'll give you one thing- it's a surefire way of not getting hurt.*
*You're right, I'm such a coward.*
But who had really been the coward?
*Tom, there is something I have to say...*
*Me too,* (say it, just say it...Hesitation)* I'm [glad] the last thing I see his you.*(Screwed. Who's the coward?)
*I've been a coward about everything. Everything that really matters. *(Fear. Does she? Can I? Oh my god.)
*I have to tell you the truth.*
*Truth about what?*
*I love you.*(No reply. Her eyes searching. Hurt. I can't. I'm not ready. I thought...No. Fear. No answer. Couldn't share.)
B'Elanna Torres moved back and forth on her bed. She hadn't felt this awful in a long time.
She had acted with honor, but now she deeply regretted it. She had confessed, but he had said nothing. She felt so stupid for doing
that. She should have known he wasn't going to jump into her waiting arms. She was just too... Klingon.
Wasn't that why her father had left? Because she was too Klingon? That's what her mother had said.
This is for nothing. He hadn't called once. Not even to say he wasn't interested. He was playing with her. Another conquest. But not again. Not with her. Dammit, she needed to go, Tuvok's promotion was to be in ten minutes. She didn't know how she could face Tom then.
Tom paced back and forth. Tuvok's promotion was nearing, but he really wasn't in the mood. He stared into the mirror, his face giving nothing away. He sighed. He thought of B'Elanna. *Can I risk it,* he thought.
He knew he was risking rejection, shame and a lot of issues to deal with if he really let himself feel.
*Do I have the courage?*
He'd been asking himself that for three days now, but hadn't reached a conclusion as to what to do.
*I can only win,* a voice in his head sounded. * Either I'll be a coward and won't listen to my heart and won't have her, or I'll tell her I want to pursue things with her.* The result could be positive then...
Pulling over his uniform, he made a decision.
B'Elanna sat in a chair across from him, trying very hard not to look in his direction.*Why is he enjoying this so much? Doesn't he think at all, doesn't he care for me at all?* She was trying to follow the conversation, but succeeded only partially.
A big weight had been lifted of Tom's shoulders. He knew what he wanted, what he had to do. He didn't necessarily need to risk rejection. Now he could even enjoy taunting Tuvok, who really didn't seem to enjoy it very much...
It was over. She tried to find a fast way out to avoid humiliation. She hadn't realized he had followed her, on the way half heartedly congratulating Tuvok.
He stopped her.
"It's been three days, and we haven't said a word to each other. "(It's now or never)
"You're right, we have to talk," B'Elanna said reserved.(Oh my...)
"Remember what you said, the part about... being in love with me. I-I realize you were suffering from oxygen deprivation and probably didn't... mean it.*(Give her a way out, don't risk rejection.) He could hear the fear in his voice, the stammering. And he now could hear the stammering in hers.
"No-No I meant it.(Have honor...) But I don't expect you to reciprocate, really, lets just forget I even said it. (Give him a way out)"
He couldn't believe it. She had meant it. If so, maybe she could even cope with all the rest, maybe she would accept it. Not leave him. A short phase of uncertainty swept over him, but he got a grip. *Don't take a risk, though.*
He knew his fear made him say "Shut up," and not those which were appropriate and true.
B'Elanna was surprised as his lips touched hers.
Suddenly a huge weight was lifted off her chest. She could breathe...
She inhaled the scent of his aftershave. So intoxikating...
She revealed in the taste of his lips against hers. So sweet...
It was different than on Sakari, yet it bore the same passion.
His hands were lightly carressing her cheek and she let herslef drift away.
It seemed to last an eternety, meaningful and yet it was so short.
She could feel him shiver slightly against her and realized his own fear.
She could imagine that it was simialr to hers.
She had hope...
It was a new knowledge. They could heal the wounds form the past!!!
"Here you are, Mister Paris," came the unpleasent intrusion.
Tom spun around to face the doctor. B'Elanna moved around to face the wall, not looking at either the Doc or Tom.
Tom had moved away so quickly... as if being caught in the act...
*Is he emberassed about being seen with me?* her paranoid voice was mocking her.
*Is he really as series as I just thought him to be?*
Meanwhile, Tom's thoughts were going into a similar direction.
In shock he had turned around to face the doctor, not knowing right away right away that it was the often obnoxious, arrogant EMH. It could have been anyone.
Caught in the moment he really hadn't paid much attention.
Not wanting to emberrass B'Elanna with being seen with him, since Tom's reputation was still bad, he had moved away from her, facing the doctor.
*Am I really worthy of her? Will she really take me once she knows???*
Hurd and desperately needing to get away, B'Elanna said: " I was just leaving, " and headed down the corrider without looking back.
Paris stared at her retreating from, while the doctor tried to get his attention by moving into his view.
Tom sighed in dismay.
"What can I do for you, Doc?" he asked, touching where B'Elanna had kissed him.
He hoped her sudden escape had nothing to do with him.
*You know, Tom. She probably just embreaased about being seen with you.*
The doctor eyed him suspiciously and Tom stopped tugging at his lips.
"You want me to be the nurse?" he asked the doctor, clearly not enjoying the thought.
"If that's the title you prefer," he said and told him when to appear for duty.
Damn, now he had to spend even more time with the Doc...