The Q-Equation 2


The last dream Tom dreamt before he woke was
about B'Elanna. He had done that a lot lately,
dreaming about her. Not that that was bad, mind
you. She was a better subject for his dreams than
*some* things he could think of. Heck, she was a
better subject than *anything* else. Still, it made
waking up a decidedly lousy event.
Especially on days like today, because Tom
couldn't feel the B'Elanna of the waking world lying
next to him. She must have gotten up early.
Tom wanted to go back to sleep -- this was, after
all his day off -- but suddenly the realisation dawned
on him that he was the one who wasn't lying in bed,
instead of B'Elanna. He was lying on a cold, hard
He opened his eyes and took a look around,
wondering why falling out of the bed hadn't woken
him up earlier. He was sure that that wasn't what had
woken him now. But he didn't see the bed anywhere.
Or even B'Elanna's quarters. He was lying on the
floor of a large room, empty except for a row of
chairs along one wall, and with a beautiful view on a
sunny beach.
A woman was sitting on one of the chairs, holding
a small child. She looked familiar, but -- probably
because he was still half-asleep -- Tom didn't
recognize her immediately.
"You took your sweet time waking up, Helmboy,"
Q said. And it wasn't just any Q. It was the female Q.

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<<title sequence>>
written by: Niels van Eekelen
June - July 1998
owned by: Paramount/Viacom
(Actually, they only think they own Voyager. In
truth, the Q-continuum has complete control over
this story owned by: the writer, who does it all for
fun, not profit (and, of course, to appease his
countless fans.)
Archiving and stuff is fine, just let the writer know.
Comments and critics are more than welcome. And,
please, don't blame any of this on that poor writer --
he's controlled by the Q as well.
This is a companion story to the first Q-Equation.
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The Q-Equation
Q2 = P+T
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"Could you... Could you possibly tell me how I got
here? And by the way, where is `here'?"
"It was an accident, really."
"Yeah, I have those a lot, but what *kind* of
accident? And where --"
"You're in the Q-continuum. You got here by
accident when I threw Q out." she stood up. "But
since you're here anyway, you can babysit." In a
flash, she had suddenly disappeared, and the child
she had been holding -- it must have been Q Junior --
was lying in Tom's arms.
Tom quickly considered his situation, or rather, his
problems. (1) He was in the Q-continuum. (2) He
*still* had no idea of how he'd gotten there, or (3)
how he could get back to Voyager and B'Elanna.
And last but not least, (4) the baby Q was asleep in
his arms. Tom had a little experience with
babysitting from Naomi Wildman, but *she* couldn't
throw suns at her babysitters if she didn't happen to
like them. And he did *not* want to know what
happened if a non-corporeal entity needed a clean
diaper. A shiver ran down Tom's back, and he wasn't
sure whether it was because of his situation or
because he was still only wearing his pyjamas.
His best option, Tom decided, was to turn tail and
He checked the room with his eyes, but didn't see
any doors. Then he got up from the floor and gently
laid Junior on one of the chairs. The pilot checked
the walls and even the floor very thoroughly, but
couldn't find an opening in any of them. The chairs
had all been firmly attached to the floor, so there was
nothing he could use to break the windows. He sat
down with a sigh.
Then Q Junior woke.

It was several hours before Q -- the mother --
returned from elsewhere in the Continuum. She had
been on Q-business. Q-business could do much to
calm one down after some other Q had upset one. As
soon as Q arrived back in the exit-less room, the
calming down she had been doing turned out to have
been quite futile. "*What* the *hell* has happened
*here*!" she screamed. The room was hardly
recognizable as the room she had left behind earlier.
The chairs had all been torn from the floor, and the
feathers from their cushions had all been gathered in
one corner of the room. On top of them, a baby lay
sleeping. The rest of the floor was covered with large
splotches of what appeared to be... whipped cream?
On the few empty spots on the floor, and on the
walls, Q could see the distinctive claw marks of a
Vytuiran razorclaw-lizard. The ceiling seemed to be
relatively intact, only it had changed color from
white to a bright pink. Outside the windows, a storm
had broken loose. Q turned to the one who she would
blame for this mess. Of course, she could clean
everything with a single snap of her fingers, and it
wasn't a real house anyway, but that wasn't the issue.
Tom was sitting quietly on the floor, neck-deep in
the cream. He was still trying to decide if he had just
had some of the best fun he had had in ages, or if he
was about to cry. "You," said Q, "have some
explaining to do, I believe."
"Explaining? Well, I, suppose I could do that." He
stood up. Several litres of cream still hung on his
pyjamas. "But, Q, could you do me a favor?"
"Well, my pyjamas seem to have gotten a little
dirty, and since you're almighty anyway..." He fell
silent when he noticed Q's glare. "A clean uniform
would be very nice," he finished.
Q sighed in disgust, but she *did* snap her fingers,
and suddenly Tom was wearing a Starfleet uniform.
*Well how about that,* he thought, *a Q actually did
as I asked for once.* The uniform even had the right
number of pips on its collar. "Thank you," he said
out loud.
"Just start explaining," Q replied. Tom sat down on
a relatively clean spot on the floor, and started
counting on his fingers.
"Well, when your son woke up, he was lying on
one of those chairs, and he immediately jumped -- or
teleported, or whatever -- back into my arms. It
seemed like a good idea to stay on his good side, so I
held him for a while before I laid him down on a
chair again. I don't think he liked the chair, 'cause
just when I thought I had put a safe distance between
him and me, the cushions started to explode and all
those feathers started flying around. There were so
many I could hardly see a thing. I thought I'd better
get back to Junior, and that's when the chairs started
to fly around. After I had spent some time ducking
and dodging, the air cleared again. When I looked at
Q he mumbled something I couldn't quite make out,
and then he clapped his hands and some kind of
creature appeared in such a Q flash of light. I dunno
what it was, but it looked really hungry, and it
looked at me in a somewhat unpleasant way."
"That was probably Woof," Q interrupted.
"He's Junior's favorite pet."
"If you say so. Well, he chased me around for a
while. Did you know that creature can walk on the
walls? I didn't really appreciate all that, but I think
little Q enjoyed it. At least, he was giggling
constantly. Fortunately, he tired of his little game
before I tired too much, and that Woof of yours
vanished again. That's when Q started playing with
the ceiling. First it was red, then purple, then yellow
-- or maybe it was blue before that. Anyway, as you
can see, he finally settled on pink. Lacking any better
ideas, I tried to get to Q again. I thought that maybe
if I held him I could convince him to fall asleep. No
such luck. Before I knew what was happening, this
cream was flying all around me. Your son's got an
awful aim, Q, but he must have thought that if he
just kept throwing whipped cream, he'd hit me
"It seems he was right about that."
"Well, yes, I suppose. As you can see, Junior kept
throwing for a very long time, and when he couldn't
find me anymore beneath his ammunition, he
gathered the feathers from those cushions and went
to sleep in the corner." He looked out of the window.
"I'm not sure when Q started that storm. I must have
been to busy to notice at the time." He smiled and
licked his lips. "It wasn't all bad, though, Q. Your
son makes some of the best whipped cream I've ever
Q cursed -- and despised -- silently, and wondered
how she could ever have thought a *human* could
watch her child. Then she suddenly heard something.
It wasn't really a sound as such, but something only a
Q could hear. "Huh? What was that?"
"Is Q trying to force his way in now? No," Q said
in some surprise, "he's asking to talk to me." Tom
wondered if this was good or bad. If he had been
brought to the Continuum when Q had been put out,
perhaps he could finally get back home to B'Elanna
if Q returned. Q -- the one that was already there --
pointed at Tom with an immortal finger. "You. Stay
here," she said, and vanished.
"Anything you wish, oh divine deity," Tom replied
to the empty room with a gracious bow. He was
getting tired of being left alone with the baby. The
kid was very bad on his nerves.
When Q returned a while later, Tom could see that
all had not gone well. Fortunately, since he and
B'Elanna had gotten together Tom had gained a lot
of experience in dealing with bad tempers. "What did
he do?" Tom asked.
"Did he actually think that he could give me a few
shiny petals and stems and everything would be all
right again?"
"Do I understand correctly that Q gave you flowers
and asked you to forgive him?"
"Yes! Ke'essarian crystal flowers! The imbecile!"
Tom could have agreed with that last bit, but he saw
that it was in his own best interest not to.
"Well, isn't that awfully nice of him?"
"Nice! I could have made them myself if I'd wanted
to. He's simply trying to sweet-talk me!"
"Q, is there anything Q could do that you
"Well, uh..."
Tom didn't give her the time to think of something.
"Besides, it's the gesture that counts, not what he
gives you." Well, it had worked with B'Elanna -- if
only once -- so why wouldn't it work with Q? Q
didn't even have Klingon blood. Unless they wanted,
of course.
"What are you talking about?"
"Q, Q is only trying to convey his feelings for you.
Give him a chance, will you?"
"Well... Oh, all right."
"You know, Q, for an omnipotent being, you know
terribly little about this sort of thing."
"We Q aren't omnipotent, Helmboy, we're
almighty. That's not the same thing. Wait here." Q
vanished. This was starting to get old. A minute
later, she appeared again. "Now what?" she asked.
"Now, we wait. He'll come back." Tom could only
hope that he would. He did *not* want to be trapped
here for the rest of his life. "Next time," he suggested,
"why don't you let him back in? You wouldn't want
him to start doubting *your* feelings for *him*,
would you?"
"I suppose not. Ah, he's back already."
"Let me guess: `Wait here, puny human.'"
"Very perceptive, for a mortal biped."
This time, after Q left, it took very long before she
returned. It must have taken at least three hours, and
Tom was starting to get nervous, but then she came
back. To Tom's relief, she was wearing a broad
"I take it everything went well?"
"You might say that," said Q, who appeared beside
Q, also smiling broadly. That was the male Q. Boy,
this was getting confusing. "Wouldn't you say so, my
"Yes, I would, my darling."
"I couldn't agree more, my precious."
"Neither could I, my handsome boy."
"I love you, my pretty."
"Uh... I don't mean to interrupt, but would you
mind terribly sending me home now?"
"Oh, shoo," said both Q in unison. Without looking
away from each other, they both waved a hand at
Tom, and suddenly the room surrounding him was
replaced by another. It was a bedroom. Tom
wouldn't really have minded that, only it was neither
his bedroom, nor B'Elanna's, from which he had been
Now, Tom had seen a lot -- not just today, but
during his entire life -- but even he was more than
slightly embarrassed when he noticed the bed in this
room was occupied. Sue Nicoletti and Michael
Ayala? He hadn't even known that they had anything
going. He also hadn't known Ayala was so proficient
at swearing, which the man did when he noticed
Tom. Sue stuck to turning very red.
"Look," Tom tried to explain, "I'm only passing
through. I'm here accidentally, actually. Don't pay
any attention to me."
Tom *had* known that Michael Ayala was very
strong, but that didn't help him very much when
Ayala picked him up and practically threw him out
of the door. After he had picked himself of the deck,
Tom took a look around. Yes, he'd been right: Sue
Nicoletti's quarters were right next to B'Elanna's.
Quickly, he went inside.
"... the Continuum again," B'Elanna was saying to
her commbadge, standing with her back to the door,
"but it seems they have forgotten Paris altogether."
Tom grinned. "Not necessarily." B'Elanna turned
and smiled at Tom happily. "They may be
omnipotent, but they did put me in the wrong
quarters. Your Mr and Mrs Neighbour were *not*
happy to be disturbed." He rubbed his neck. A
sudden gleam appeared in his eyes. "Then again,
perhaps it was a hint." The next thing he knew, he
and B'Elanna were hugging and kissing each other
somewhere between where they had been standing.
"B'Ella, do you remember that holoprogram I wanted
to show you today?" Tom said when their mouths
finally parted.
"Uh huh," B'Elanna confirmed.
"And do you know what I want to do there with
you?" He described it at some length. Then they
went to the Holodeck and actually did all of it, too.

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the End
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<<end titles>>
beta-read by: Maaike van Eekelen
copyright 1998
e-mail adress:
My sister's; she'll pass things on to me.
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Tom and B'Elanna were lying in each other's arms on
the grass beneath a romantic night sky in a beautiful
garden in Paris, Earth. They had mutually agreed
that this was what mankind had been thinking about
when the `happy ending' was invented.
Some ways behind them, another couple was lying
on the grass, hidden from view by a neat row of trees
they had put there for that sole purpose.
"Those humans may have lots of flaws, and believe
me, they do," said Q, "but they do have a knack for
romanticism, don't you think, dearest?"
"Uh huh," Q agreed.

The End