Title: If a Crazy Man wrote Star Trek
Author: Christine
Contact: qsmistress23@hotmail.com
Series: VOY
Part: 1/1
Rating: [R]
Codes: P/K

Archive: Hell no! Who the hell would want to?

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything Trek. I own everything and everyone I made up. <g> Am I making money from this? What the hell are you smoking?!

Feedback: Please do.

Author's Note: This is a story in response to the If ____ wrote Star Trek. Very stupid and hopefully I don't offend anyone.

Once upon a time, in a flying contraption far, far away. There lived a really, really cute blondish-red haired sperm depository. His name was Thomas Eugene Paris. Now this here middle aged man was a courting a fine specimen of Asian beauty. That there beauty was named Harry Kim. Don't ask me what his middle name is cause I ain't got a fucking clue.


Excuse me. Now where was I? ::scratches manged beard:: Oh, I's remember!

Well, those two youngsters they was hornier than ten Vulcans in that there Pon Farr. Woowee! I'm telling ya! They was humping like dogs in heat. ::scratches head:: Hmm? Come to think of it...I tweren't surprised when my grandpappy told me they ended up with twenty kids.

::sounds of hacking cough::

Any ho, like I twas saying. They fucked everywheres. In them there tiny metal things that fly, in they's quarters, in someone named Jefferie Tubes. Wooo! That Jefferie must've been some guy!

Let's see, oh yeah. Well they never made it back to earf, but they kids did. Man, let me tell ya, them kids was uglier than a shaved targ. I also heard from my grandpappy that one of them kids banged the there Borg. Seven o' ten? Ah, fuck it! Who gives a shit?

*What!?* I don't need my damn witches brew! I's just telling you the damn story that my grandpappy tolds me.

Well, fuck! Ifin yours gonna be like that, I ain't gonna finish my tale! Nurse! Gimme my fucking meds!


"What the hell was that about?"

"I don't know. All I asked him was were the bathroom was."

The End