Title: Past Resurfacing (5/?)
Pairing: VOY (P/T)
Rating: R, some angst
Archive: If someone wants to fine by me as long as you drop me an e-mail letting me know where it is archived.
Spoiler Warning: Thirty Days
Disclaimer: Paramount owns all rights to Star Trek Voyager, its characters, and the Voyager episodes referred to in this story. The story idea is mine, but I am doing this just for fun, no money to be made.
After being filled in by the Doctor on Tomís confusion when he awoke, Chakotay suggested that they ask Tuvok to join them. The three men reviewed Tomís service record.
"So," Chakotay said, "He did serve on a ship called Exeter."
"Not only that Commander," Tuvok said. "He was serving on the Exeter when he caused the accident at Caldik Prime."
"So thatís what you think heís flashing back to, the accident," Chakotay said nodding. It made sense.
However the Doctor frowned, "That just seems too simple of an explanation. Why now? Frankly Mr. Paris has found himself in much worse situations. The Akritirian prison, memories implanted by the Baneans. None of them caused any flashbacks. So why now, it doesnít make sense. I thought that maybe some damage occurred when he injured his head while he was in the brig, but all diagnostics say there are no injuries to his brain."
"Doctor, sometimes the simple answer is the most logical one," Tuvok replied. "A number of factors could be combining to cause a problem at this time."
The Doctor looked unconvinced even as he said, "He did ask me if anyone else had been beamed to sickbay. The question seemed to indicate he hoped someone else had, so I suppose it could be the accident."
"I think Tuvokís right. Maybe just the fact of being incarcerated in a Starfleet brig set him off. Who knows? The question is what do we do if he wakes up and he still doesnít recall where he is," Chakotay said.
"We hope his memory comes back," the Doctor replied. "There is nothing to indicate that it wonít. He has no neurological damage. So itís just a question of time. In the meantime, besides telling him that he is suffering from memory loss, we should not tell him anything about recent or past events. Letís see what he remembers on his own."
"Agreed," Tuvok said. "May I suggest that we also refrain from referring to his rank. He didnít answer me earlier when I referred to him as ensign, plus his record indicates that he was a lieutenant on the Exeter. I think if he is still experiencing memory loss, referring to his rank will bring up questions best left unanswered at this time."
Chakotay nodded and started to say, "We should let BíElanna," when he was interrupted by an alarm going off in sickbay.
The Doctor stood up immediately and headed for Tomís biobed, where Tom was gasping for breath. "Panic attack," the Doctor said. "He had one when he woke earlier too." Once again he pressed a hypospray against Tomís neck.
Tomís breathing eased and he opened his eyes to see the Doctor and two other men looking at him concerned. "Better?" the Doctor asked him. He nodded. "Tom do you remember where you are?"
"Sickbay. On Voyager," he said. The Doctor smiled at him, "Thatís right, now do you know these two men?"
Tom looked at Tuvok and said, "Sir, I believe we met earlier, but Iím afraid Iím not clear on when. Maybe on the station." The Doctor and Chakotay exchanged confused looks at Tomís mention of a station.
"Yes we did Mr. Paris, I had you beamed to sickbay when it became apparent you were not feeling well," Tuvok said.
"Thank you, Sir," Tom replied.
"Tom," the Doctor said, "this is Commander Tuvok and Voyagerís First Officer Commander Chakotay."
"Good to meet you, Sir," Tom said acknowledging Chakotay. Chakotay felt his concern grow, as Tomís behavior seemed so inconsistent with the man he knew. Where was the sarcasm he was so used to? His answers were so correct and so Starfleet.
"Tom, can you give me your name, rank and current posting?" Chakotay asked kindly.
Tom looked confused but quickly complied, "Of course, Sir. Thomas Eugene Paris, Lieutenant, U.S.S. Exeter." Silence followed Tomís answer as the three men exchanged looks.
What was going on? Tom began to feel very uneasy. "Is something wrong?" he asked.
"Tom," the Doctor said. "You seem to have lost some of your memories. You did serve on the Exeter, but that was a few years ago. You are currently serving on Voyager."
Tomís eyes widened as his mind raced. Years ago, how could that be? He had just been down on the station, just lost Cali. His breathing quickened again. How was this possible? Years without her, no it couldnít be.
"Tom," the Doctor said. "Please calm down. Take deep breaths."
He listened to the Doctorís words and got his breathing under control enough to ask, "How many years have passed?"
It was Chakotay who answered, "More than five." Tom just looked at him in disbelief. Before he could think to reply, the doors to sickbay slid open and a very determined looking petite brunette entered. Tom, glad for the distraction, noticed the ridges on her forehead, and wondered if she was part Klingon. Her eyes met his and a huge smile crossed her face. "Tom, took you long enough to wake up," she said. Do I know her, he thought. Vaguely he seemed to remember that he did. Sheís very beautiful, he thought. Still he couldnít place how he knew her. The smile faded from her face when he didnít respond. "Tom?" she said questioningly. He
tried to smile back at her, feeling somehow guilty at being the cause of that smile fading. Before he could do so, Commander Chakotay intercepted her and pulled her away from the biobed. At first she resisted, but Chakotay whispered something that caused her to stare at him stunned and then to follow willingly into the Doctorís office.
Tom stared after them for a moment and then turned to the Doctor and asked, "Do I know her? It seems like I do."
"Her nameís BíElanna, sheís our Chief Engineer and a very good friend of yours," the Doctor said.
"She seems," he paused searching for the right word. Not finding it, he finished, "nice." Nice wasnít the right word to describe her. Somehow he knew that. He knew that she was so much more than simply nice. Somehow he knew that she was someone he would always want to know. The Doctor said they were good friends, so that made sense. How had they become friends? Who were his other friends? When had he transferred to this ship and why? The questions came fast and furious, until he had to close his eyes and clench
his head in agony. His heading was pounding so hard he felt as if there was an anvil inside smashing into his cranium.
"Tom whatís wrong," he could barely hear the Doctorís voice through the pounding in his head. "Head, it hurts, oh god," he whispered. He wanted the pain to stop. He wanted to be dead, just like Cali. The pain became blinding and then suddenly disappeared. The Doctor placed the hypospray down and turned back to Tom. "Better?" he asked.
Tom nodded and the Doctor continued, "Try not to think about things too much. Things will come when you are ready to know them. Okay?" Tom nodded once more too tired to speak.
"Rest for a little while. Weíll talk later," the Doctor said. Tom started to take the suggestion, but then it dawned on him that as understanding as the Doctor had been, Tom didnít even know his name. He forced his eyes open, and said, "Wait, Iím sorry Doctor, I donít even know your name."
The Doctor looked at Tuvok who simply raised an eyebrow. If he told Tom he was the EMH that would require further explanations, better to avoid that discussion. The Doctor sighed and said, "Itís just Doctor."
Tom frowned, "Youíre name is Doctor Doctor."
The Doctor figured it was easiest just to agree, "Yes."
"Oh, okay," Tom said. What a strange ship, a Doctor whose name is Doctor. Still heís been very kind. "Thanks Doctor," he said and then let his eyes drift close. He didnít want to think about anything else. He
could sort it all out later.
The Doctor moved away from the biobed and indicated for Tuvok to follow him. The two headed for the Doctorís office where Chakotay was still talking with BíElanna.
"He doesnít remember Voyager at all," BíElanna asked in disbelief.
"No he thinks heís still serving on the Exeter," Chakotay said. "Did he ever mention anything to you about his time on the Exeter?"
BíElanna shook her head. "Iíve never even heard him mention that ship. Tom doesnít reflect upon his past much. Heíll talk about places heís been or people heís met. Even funny stories from his days at the Academy or once in awhile his childhood. He never talks about his time in Starfleet after the Academy." It hurt her to admit that she knew no more about Tomís past than Chakotay.
"BíElanna, has Tom ever talked to you about Caldik Prime?" Chakotay asked hoping he wasnít asking her to break a confidence.
"Not about the accident itself. Weíve talked more about what happened afterwards. His isolation, the guilt, but never really about the actual accident," BíElanna said. She started to ask why Chakotay wanted to know, but then it dawned on her, "Tom was serving on the Exeter when the accident at Caldik Prime occurred, wasnít he?" Chakotay nodded and she continued, "And you think he thinks that accident has just occurred."
"Yes, thatís what weíre thinking, but there are some things that donít make sense. He keeps referring to some sort of station, but as far as I know it was a shuttle accident," he said. "Still," Chakotay added, "taking into account the nightmares he experienced in the brig and the fact that he thinks heís serving on the Exeter, I think itís likely that to him that accident just happened."
BíElanna pressed her hands against the Doctorís desk. She wanted to break something. Actually she wanted to trash the whole room. He shouldnít have to live through that again. Wasnít once enough. "Have you told the Captain what sheís caused?" BíElanna growled at Chakotay.
"I havenít had a chance to speak with her yet, but I will," Chakotay said. "BíElanna youíre out of line. Tom stole a shuttle, disobeyed a direct order, and damaged relations between another planet and us. The Captain was well within her rights to punish Tom, and I donít think Tom would disagree with that. Obviously there are issues in his past that Tom has not dealt with. We need to help him deal with those issues, not argue about who is to blame."
BíElanna nodded her agreement. She didnít agree that the Captain had been right, but she did agree that she needed to think of Tom. Getting angry wouldnít help him. He needed her, and thatís where she was going. She started to leave the room.
"BíElanna where are you going," Chakotay asked.
"To see Tom," she said.
"I donít think thatís a good idea right now," Chakotay said.
Tuvok and the Doctor had just entered the doorway of the office to hear BíElanna express her intention of going to see Tom. "I have to agree," Tuvok said. "Now would not be the best time."
BíElanna glared at him, "Now is the time when he needs me."
"BíElanna, heís very confused right now. Itís too much. I just had to give him a pain reliever for a blinding headache. Give him some time," the Doctor said.
"No, you donít understand. You tell me that you think heís convinced he just survived the accident at Caldik Prime and you want me to leave him alone. Thatís what happened to him after the accident, he was left alone. I wonít let him go through that alone again. I will be there for him. Iím not going to try to force him to remember me, but Iím going to let him know that Iím here if he needs to talk or just needs someone to sit with him. I donít care what you think. He needs me now," BíElanna said heatedly.
The Doctor looked thoughtful. "He was very curious about you," he said. "You can see him, but take it easy on him. Donít try to force him to remember anything, and let him get some rest."
"Okay," BíElanna said as she walked out of the office toward Tom. She pulled a chair over to his biobed and sat down. His eyes flickered open.
"Hi," he said and gave her a small smile.
She smiled back at him and said, "Hi yourself."
Looking awkward he said, "Iím sorry but I donít remember you. I feel like I know you, like I should know you, but I canít remember." His hands clenched in frustration.
"Shhh," she said. "I know. Itís all right. Donít worry about it. Youíll remember when you remember."
"The Doctor said weíre good friends."
"We are," BíElanna said. "Even if you can be very trying at times."
Tom laughed surprised. He liked her spirit. "Somehow I have the feeling Iím not the only one who can be trying."
BíElanna tried to look indignant, but failed. Tom laughed at her poor attempt. It was good to hear him laugh. His laughter faded and he just looked at her wondering what else he should say. She leaned toward him and took his hand in hers. He was surprised but he didnít remove his hand. It felt right somehow.
"Tom we are friends, so if you need anything, you call me. Understood," she asked her brown eyes locked with his blue ones. He nodded. "Anything. If you want to talk or you just want someone to sit with you. It doesnít matter what time of the day it is you call me. Okay?"
"Okay," Tom said. "Thanks."
She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. He felt it easy to smile back at her. Things didnít seem so confusing when she was holding his hand. His eyes slipped close again, and BíElanna said, "Get some rest." She ran her hand through his hair very lightly and comforting. With each stroke he felt himself relaxing more. As he drifted off to sleep, he pictured him and BíElanna floating in space. For some reason they were both in environmental suits. He felt himself slowly reaching out to her, but as he gripped her hand instead of the feel of an environmental suit, he felt her warm flesh. His last thought before falling asleep was how could he have forgotten that he belonged here with her.
Tuvok had returned to duty once BíElanna had sat down by Tomís side, but Chakotay had remained behind watching as BíElanna got Tom to laugh and then held his hand as he fell asleep. He sighed. He hoped Tomís memories came back soon. In the meantime, it was time to go speak to the Captain. Once he was he had left sickbay, he said, "Computer locate Captain Janeway."
"Captain Janeway is in her ready room," the pleasant female voice responded. Chakotay stepped in to the turbo lift and said, "Deck 1."