Title:  As You Are
Author:  CatHeights
Pairing: VOY (C/P, m/m, sex)
Rating:       NC-17
Feedback: CatHeights@yahoo.com
Archive:  Protective!Chakotay, ATPS, anyone else just ask.
Spoiler Warning: The Collective (Season Six).  This story is a coda to that episode.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns all rights to Star Trek Voyager, its characters, and the Voyager episodes and dialogue referred to in this story.  The story idea is mine, but I am doing this just for fun, no money to be made.
Dedicated to Frisky for always being a source of encouragement.
      "Do you want a drink?  Iím going to get one," Chakotay asked as he and Tom entered his cabin.
       "What?" Tom said distractedly.
       "Would you like something to drink?" Chakotay repeated patiently.
       "Uh, no thanks," Tom said as he began to pace the cabin.
       Chakotay released a small sigh as he got a glass of iced tea from the replicator.  He wondered if he even had a shot at getting Tom to relax tonight.  He sat down on the couch and took a sip, as he watched his lover walk aimlessly around the room.  Even tense, Tom Paris was a beautiful man.   He let his eyes rest on that aristocratic face, taking in each well-loved feature.  Tomís lips were currently frowning, his eyes sparking energy and frustration.  Chakotay never tired of watching the parade of emotions that flickered through those blue eyes.
After the dayís events, he was extremely glad to be able to sit here and just gaze at Tom.
       Just thinking about all that had happened brought to mind cold, emotionless words.
      We are the Borg.  Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own.
      Resistance is futile.
Chakotay remembered that as the Delta Flyer had been pulled toward the Borg Cube, Tom had turned
around and met his eyes.  He had found himself memorizing that look, as well as Tomís features, hoping never to forget.   The collective wouldnít take that from him.  He wouldnít let them, he had vowed, all the while knowing it was a futile promise.
      He shook his head to clear it.  It was over.  He had more time with Tom, something for which they both should be grateful.   Now how to convince Tom of that?
       "Howís your hand?"  Chakotay asked.
       Tom stopped pacing and flexed his left hand.   "It aches a little, but it should be fine by tomorrow."
Damn, he could still hear that little girl saying, "He learned his lesson."   The jolt of pain as the forcefield lashed into his hand had been brief but agonizing.   The remembered pain wasnít what bothered him though; it was the image of that little Borg girl.  He had sensed a childlike curiosity coming for her combined with a matter of fact cruel streak.  It chilled him.
       "Tom, stop it," Chakotay said.  "Itís over.  Donít keep replaying it in your mind."
       Tom turned to him angrily.  "Stop it, just like that, huh.  Well I canít.  Donít tell me being there didnít bother you.  Donít tell me hearing those children talk about a botched assimilation attempt as if it was nothing didnít make your skin crawl."
       Chakotay wished he had prevented Tom from taking a closer look at the mutilated body in the
assimilation chamber.   He and Neelix had refrained from looking too closely, but Tom had seemed
unable to help himself.   Gazing with horror, Tom had moved over to the assimilation table and gently
picked up a lifeless arm.
       "Nobody we know," Chakotay said trying to convince Tom to step back. Harry had been missing at that point, and all that mattered to Chakotay right then was that it wasnít Harry on that table.
       Tom acted as if he hadnít even heard Chakotay.   "Some kind of botched assimilation?"  He said his voice slightly shaking.
       "From the looks of it," Chakotay had responded quietly.
       It was at that point that Tom briefly lost it.   He had started screaming something about what were they waiting for; they had three more potential drones there.
       Chakotay had been at his side in an instant grabbing his arm.  "Stay calm," he said.  He knew how much Tom hated being caged, let alone in an assimilation chamber.
       Tom had yanked his arm out of Chakotayís, breathing heavily.  "Calm? Weíre in the chamber of
horrors, or havenít you noticed?"
       Back in the present again, Chakotay put his drink down and got up. Tomís mind was still in that
chamber of horrors and he was going to do his best to pull him out of it.
       He lightly placed one hand on Tomís arm and said,  "I wonít tell you it didnít bother me.   It did, all of it, but itís over now.  Weíre safe.  Seven convinced the Borg children to lower the shields and we all got out.   End of story.   Let it go."   He leaned in, kissed Tom softly, and pulled him into his arms.    Tom clung to him briefly but then gently pushed Chakotay away.
       Turning his back to Chakotay, he again started his trek back and forth.  "I doubt Harry is going to be able to just let it go.  For Godís sake they started to assimilate him."
       "They injected nanoprobes into his blood stream to try to force Sevenís hand.  The Doctor has
cleared his blood stream and Harry will be fine by tomorrow.  Everything turned out okay," Chakotay said repeating what Tom already knew in hope that it would calm him down.  It didnít work.
       "If you say so," Tom said sarcastically.
       Chakotay sighed and returned to the couch.  Tom wasnít ready to let go of it yet.  He would just have to let him talk it out.
       "I keep thinking how surreal it was in Sickbay," Tom said as he paced again.  "I could barely look at Harry while Seven and the Doc worked on him. And everywhere you turned, you saw those children
staring in fascination.  The little girl who zapped me kept firing off questions.  ĎWhat are you doing?í
ĎWill he be all right?í  She might have been the one who actually injected the nanoprobes, and here she was asking if he would be all right.  It was downright creepy."
      Tom paused running a hand through his hair.  "Children carrying on the mission of the Borg.  It was bad enough being trapped in a Borg assimilation chamber, but we were trapped by Borg children.
Somehow that was even worse.  I couldnít look any of them in the eye."
       Chakotay frowned concerned.  "Are you saying youíre going to have problems with the children being on board?"
       "No, I donít have any problem with that.  Iím glad we were able to take them from the Collective. I donít begrudge them a chance to actually have a childhood.  Iím happy Seven was able to help them, and I hope they stay with us.  Naomi could use a few friends, and Iím sure Seven will run a tight ship."  He gave Chakotay a small grin.
       "No, what bothers me is that there are god knows how many cubes out there filled with maturation chambers containing children.  I donít know why it never occurred to me before.  I mean, I knew Seven was assimilated as a child.  Itís just now that Iíve seen it for myself, it sickens me."
       "Tom, the Borg arenít the first race to turn children into murderers.  Youíre right.  Itís disgusting and highly disturbing, but there is nothing you can do."
      As he said the last part, Chakotay realized that was exactly the problem.  It was a situation that
bothered Tom but had no solution.  There was no course of action for him to take.  When Tom had been piloting the Delta Flyer away from the cube, he had been calm and focused.   Again, once Chakotay had gotten him working on lowering the chamberís forcefield, he had been completely in control.   Tom was brilliant under pressure.  However, he could not stand to be in a situation completely out of his control. He had to be able to act or it drove him nuts.  He knew many of the crew would say that he was the control freak, but in reality, of the two of them, it was Tom who had the greater need for control.
      He glanced up to see Tom facing him with his arms crossed and a glare on his face.  "I donít
understand how you always manage to stay so calm.  Have I told you how extremely annoying that is?"
      Chakotay chuckled.  "You have mentioned it on a few occasions."
      "Well let me mention it again.  Itís fucking annoying!"
      Still smiling, Chakotay said, "Glad to know I can be just as annoying as you at times."
      Tom smiled wryly and gave a brief chuckle.   Chakotay could see him relax just a bit.  Humor
almost always helped to diffuse Tom.  Probably why the pilot used it so often on other people.
Chakotayís smile widened as he remembered the comment Tom had made as he dived for his seat in the Delta Flyer.
      "Did you really have a full house?" Chakotay asked.   Before the cube had suddenly appeared in
their path, he, Tom, Neelix and Harry had been playing a game of poker.  The winner was to get the
morning work detail off.   Neelix was way ahead with a flush and Tom was the only person who hadnít yet revealed his hand. Chakotay had asked Tom what he had.   Instead of getting an answer, he saw Tom looking out the window, a stunned expression on his face.  As they darted for battle stations, he swore he had heard Tom mutter "and I had a full house."
      Tom laughed and sat down next to Chakotay sprawling his legs out in front of him.  "You bet I did. I was prepared to sit back and watch you guys work.  Figures, just my luck.   I wasnít buying the innocent Talaxian routine any more than Harry, but I was holding more than just two pair."
      "Well itís just as well, because Iím sure you would have been insufferable while the rest of us
worked," Chakotay said.
      Tomís eyes locked on to Chakotayís as he said sweetly,  "Why Chakotay, I wouldnít have taunted
you too badly on an away mission.   I would have waited until we returned so I could torment you without holding back."
      Chakotay shook his head.  "Oh, Iím sure you would have managed to tease me both on the planet
and back on Voyager.  I never underestimate you."
      "Thatís good to know," Tom said as he moved closer.
      Chakotay never could get used to the speed with which Tom could change his mood.  No, Chakotay realized, he wasnít changing his mood; he was redirecting his energy.   He had all that frustrated energy coursing through him, urging him to act.  Well as he couldnít use that energy to solve what was bothering him, he was directing it into something he could control.   By the look in Tomís eye, Chakotay had a good idea of where Tom was directing that energy, and he had no objections.
      "How good?"   Chakotay asked as Tom hovered over him.
      Tom didnít answer. He just smiled and then lowered his lips to Chakotayís, fully capturing his
mouth as he pushed him down onto the couch.   He pressed hard against Chakotay as he deepened the kiss.  He paused for a moment, biting lightly on Chakotayís bottom lip before once again continuing his assault on his loverís mouth.
      Chakotay moved one arm around Tomís neck until he could slide his hand into Tomís hair.   Just
when he thought the kiss was never going to end, Tom relinquished his mouth.
      Tom gave Chakotay another small kiss before he used his arm to lift himself slightly so that he
could look at his lover.   His eyes thoughtful and his voice soft, he said, "I was so afraid I was going to lose you.  I couldnít stand that, and I couldnít stand the thought of the Borg touching you, changing you."
He moved off of Chakotay so that he was sitting on the couch with his knees tucked under him.
      Chakotay sat back up, and ran a hand gently along the side of Tomís face.  "I was afraid of the same thing.   Why do you think I was so determined that we were getting out of there?"
      "I thought you were just trying to annoy me with your Ďnothing ever rattlesí me routine."
      "Smartass," Chakotay said as he ran his hand along Tomís chest.
      "You wouldnít have me any other way."
      "No, I wouldnít," Chakotay said seriously.   He watched the blue eyes darken with emotion and
then Tom was kissing him again.  He could feel warm hands running down his chest, sliding under his
uniform top.   Tom stopped kissing him, and tugged at his uniform top.
      "I think this is getting in the way," he said with a smirk.
      "That can be fixed."  Chakotay pulled off both the shirt and undershirt in one liquid movement
draping the garments over the edge of the couch.   He turned back to Tom to find his loverís eyes slowly moving across his body.
      With a predatory smile, Tom leaned in and lightly licked at Chakotayís nipple.   He teased it with
his tongue, flicking at it.  Then he took it into his mouth and sucked.  Chakotay inhaled sharply, feeling his erection press against his pants.  He wished he had removed them along with the top.
      Tom sat back and slid off his jacket, tossed it, and then quickly followed it with his undershirt.  He ran his hand along the bulge in Chakotayís pants, and then kissed his way along his stomach and chest.
      When Tom had reached the top, Chakotay eagerly recaptured his mouth.  He loved the silken feel
of Tomís skin against his own.  He wanted to feel all of it.
      Tom had similar thoughts.  He stood and said, "Why donít we go into the bedroom and get rid of
the rest of our clothes.  Theyíre getting in the way."
      "I couldnít agree more," Chakotay said as he stood.
      Once in the bedroom, Tom started to remove his pants but stopped to watch Chakotay slide his
off.   He found himself fascinated by the simplest of moves his lover made; even the way he stepped out of his pants, putting them carefully to the side.  Ever move, ever choice, was uniquely Chakotay, and Tomís eyes eagerly took in those familiar gestures.   Right now they were the biggest turn on he could imagine.   A slight grin twisted his face.  He never thought he would see the day that he would consider Chakotayís obsession with neatness to be an asset.
      "Um, Tom."
      Tom almost said, "what," but then realized Chakotay was looking pointedly at his pants.  He
laughed.  "Sorry, I got distracted.  Canít imagine by what."   He slid his pants down, stepped out of them, and then kicked them out of the way.
      Chakotay smiled indulgently.  Heís such a slob, he thought fondly.   An extraordinarily
good-looking slob, he gladly admitted.   He barely had time to enjoy the sight of Tom being completely
naked before he was tackled onto the bed.
      "What do you have two modes: stop and overdrive," Chakotay teased as he looked up at Tom who was kneeling beside him.
      "That was a rhetorical question, right?" Tom replied as he wrapped one hand around Chakotayís
      "Uh-huh," was all Chakotay managed as Tom slowly moved his hand back and forth.
      Tom paused and removed his hand.  "Close your eyes," he said.
      Brown eyes met mischievous blue ones.   So, Tom wanted to be fully in control.   It made sense
considering his earlier mood.   He had no trouble giving Tom what he wanted.   "All right," he said and
closed his eyes.
      For what seemed like an eternity, he lay with eyes closed, Tom not touching him.   Although he
couldnít see it, he could feel his lover gazing at him.  Finally, when he was about to say that he was
opening his eyes in a minute, he felt a tongue licking small circles on his stomach.   He shivered feeling
cool air blow across the wet marks as Tom lightly blew on the circles he had left behind.
      Tom slid his hands up across Chakotayís broad chest and over his shoulders.   Then one hand slid
down and traced one nipple than the other.  His mouth quickly followed, sucking each nipple briefly.
Then he proceeded to kiss his way down to Chakotayís erection.  He lightly licked the tip and smiled as Chakotay moaned and arched slightly.
      He traced his tongue down the erection stopping when he got to Chakotayís balls.  He took one
into his mouth, sucked gently, and then did the same with the other.  All the while rubbing on the spot right below them.   Chakotayís breathing was coming in gasps.
      When he was finished, Tom again traced his tongue along his loverís erection, swirling it along the
tip before taking as much as he could into his mouth.
      "Oh, yes," Chakotay hissed as he tried to restrain the urge to fully thrust into Tomís mouth.
      Tom sucked harder enjoying the reactions he was evoking.   He gave one last hard suck before
slowly moving his mouth off of Chakotay.   He slid up Chakotay feeling his own erection touch his
loverís.  Chakotay pressed hard against him.
      He kissed Chakotay before saying, "Turn over."
       Chakotayís body was overwhelmed with sensation.  Every inch of him wanted to feel Tom inside of him.   He felt long fingers trace their way down his back, along his buttocks, and then stop.  Then he felt the coolness of lubricant on his opening and Tomís finger slowly sliding in.   He lifted his hips up off the bed, encouraging Tom to push his finger in farther.   Tom obliged and Chakotay moaned.  It felt so good, but it wasnít enough, he wanted more.´
       Chakotay thought he would go insane as Tom slowly stretched him.  He was up on his knees by this point, pushing back onto Tomís fingers.  "I want to feel you, now," he gritted out.
       "Happy to comply," Tom said and then Chakotay felt the tip of Tomís penis against his opening.  He pressed his head against the pillows as Tom pushed all the way in.   He shoved back hard and heard Tom moan.
       Tom angled his thrusts hitting Chakotayís prostate again and again until Chakotay thought he would explode.    Then, Tomís hand wrapped around his erection and he lost all coherent thought.  He was so lose.   He came shortly after, not even knowing what he screamed.   Tom came seconds later, and Chakotay swore he heard Tom scream out his name.   When Tom pulled out of him, he curled up on his side, too exhausted to move or even speak.
       He felt Tomís arm drape around him and then his mind blanked.   When he opened his eyes minutes later, he found Tom staring at him, smiling.
       "That good, huh?"  Tom smirked.
       "Uh-huh," Chakotay agreed and smiled tiredly as Tom laughed.
       "Chakotay, Iím glad youíre exactly the way you are," Tom said awkwardly.
       "Annoying calm and all?"  Chakotay teased, stifling a yawn.
       "Yes, annoying calm and all."
       "Thatís good cause I wasnít planning on changing," he chuckled as Tom swatted at him.   "Same goes for me, youíre perfect and unique the way you are."
       Tom yawned, and lay back down.  A moment later, just as Chakotay was drifting off again he piped up, "I was thinking as I really did win that hand of poker, I should get to pick some sort of prize.  I think each of you losers should take one of my shifts in sickbay.  It seems only fair."
       The only response he got was an annoyed groan and a pillow hitting his face.  Tom smiled as he
closed his eyes, reassured to know that he could still ruffle his loverís calm surface.  Chakotay was right, everything would be fine.  Their world was exactly as it should be.

The End