If I Should Die...

The things she found in Tom Paris' quarters never ceased to amaze her. Sometimes she found things that repulsed her, other times they warmed her to the souls of her feet. Todays discovery confused her more than it did anything else.

In the bottom drawer of his dresser lay a hand sewn wall decoration, with a child's prayer embroidered in amongst pictures of furry animals.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the lord my soul to take.

She frowned. Realizing that his mother or grandmother had likely created this for a baby Tom, the wear of age indicating such a concept, she found it sweet that he had kept it all these years. Still, the small prayer made her think.

If I should die before I wake..

What would happen if she died this instant? How would the universe remember B'Elanna Torres?

An ideal Starfleet Officer? She rolled her eyes, that wasn't very likely.

A loyal Maquis? Yes, perhaps, but then after settling into her life on Voyager, perhaps not.

A compassionate commanding officer? She almost snorted, she was fair, but far from compassionate.

A powerful warrior? Her mother would have laughed at the entire concept. No, she was no warrior.

A thoughtful friend? She could be at times, but she knew that thoughtful wasn't the first word to come to mind when people thought of her.

An honourable Klingon? Again the answer had to be no. As much as she had tried recently, dishonour seemed to follow her very path.

An understanding lover? She thought over the times she had jumped down Tom's throat for something so simple as spending too much time on the holodeck. She sighed, Tom may hold fond memories of her, but her degree of understanding would not be among them.

She shook her head. If she died this instant she'd be remembered as that jumpy Chief Engineer that was sleeping with Tom Paris. A sigh. She really did like who she was, but it was depressing to consider what others may think of her. 

She shoved the plaque back into the drawer, and climbed back under the covers with Tom. She snuggled her head into the corner of his shoulder, and closed her eyes.

There was no sense dwelling on what she couldn't change. She was who she was, and that seemed to be good enough for both herself and Tom. In the end, that's all that really mattered.