Mere Moments- Space of Seconds Companion
by Amy Elizabeth
Disclaimer: Belongs to Paramount...sorry Iím too tired to think of something else to say...but the Song, I knew I loved you, is all Savage Gardenís
Thanks to IMFANCI for the lyrics idea(And to Heatherís message board for telling me to write this)
Maybe itís intuition
But some things you just donít question,
*Live long and prosper. Ha! I had forgotten that story.* Tom Parisís sides ached with laughter. Harry Kim, his best friend, rolled alongside him. Through his squinted, tear filled eyes he watched BíElanna Torres respond to the story with her bemused half smile. He pretended to advert his attention to Tuvok who had the good grace to silently sit through one of his more humiliating stories. Yet his eyes, and attention, were still focused on the chief engineer. There was something about her, something he couldnít explain, something that drove him crazy at night, alone in the dark, wishing her body was there to warm his body and his heart. He couldnít help but look up when she entered the room, his heart would race, his mind whirl. He felt like he was back in school, lusting over the girl who sat in front of him, completely helpless to control his emotions and actions. She was out of his reach, others said, to explosive, to remote for him to obtain. She couldnít trust him, they said, no, she never would. She was too smart, too self-preserving. Sometimes he was inclined to believe them; she was too good for him. The womanizing, liar Tom Paris. But then she would look at him, out of the corner of her deep eyes, it would be a little look, innocent, but it would set him on fire none the less. Her eyes betrayed confusion and some strange, distant longing.
Like in your eyes,
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think Iíve found my best friend
Her eyes. They had to be the most expressive he had ever seen. Their dark depths containing years of pain, experience betrayal, and loss. It seemed that in her dark eyes she held more pain than most people ever would know. And, in seeing those depths, he saw her soul, and his reflected. He could see himself in that pain, he saw understanding, tolerance, something most people couldnít offer. They captivated him, urging him to know them better, to understand their pain and to help them. He saw BíElanna Torres in those short moments when he looked in her eyes, he saw the real BíElanna Torres. Not the mask, not the facade, but her, and he wanted nothing more than to know and be trusted by that soul.
The voice of Captain Janeway cut through his thought, squelching the moment of longing.
" He dressed me down in front of..." Tom tuned her out again. His eyes stayed on the captain for a little while, knowing he would be expected to pay attention. This was Tuvokís day, and he was happy for him. But lately Tom had had a lot of trouble focusing on much of anything. He knew he was crazy for even getting his hopes raised. She didnít mean it, for heavenís sakes, she had been dying. Yet his mind tugged on him relentlessly, reminded him of the sincerity he had heard in her voice. The look in her half-closed eyes, the imagined warmth of her body he knew wasnít there through the suits. Yet she had said it, however oxygen deprived she might have been, she had uttered those words. And they followed him everywhere, to sleep, to work, to off hours. That phrase had a lot of power, and what simple words they were; I love you.
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
It was crazy, he knew it. Her love him? Crazy talk for sure. But he knew, no matter if she had meant it or not. He loved her, with all the power he could. It was a rather new sensation for Tom, the complete loss of control, the bare openness of his heart on his sleeve. He had always loved her though; it had only taken him a little while to realize that. He was born to love her.
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
Tom realized he was watching her again. She hadnít noticed however, she seemed to be finding her plate rather interesting. How rather, cute. Cute? Did he really just think that? Not an adjective one would generally associate with the voluble engineer. Yet Tom saw in her eyes the child begging to be realized, cared for, accepted, loved. She was more vulnerable than people thought, yet Tom could see. It was himself in a mirror. He saw what he didnít have in those eyes, that soul. The bravery and honor, the pride. Home was in her.
Clapping.... they were clapping. And standing. Tom scrambled to his feet, watching as Tuvok received his new pip. He noticed BíElanna stand late; he wondered what she was so seriously thinking about. Then one of those moments occurred, one that swept him off his feet, filled his mind with passion. Her dark depths blazed into his, both pairs searching for something. For him the world stopped, Tuvokís party disappeared, Harryís laughter was drown out by the beating of his own thunderous heart. Then she looked away. She never did look his straight in the eye often; something there must scare her off. Before he knew what had occurred he spotted her making a beeline for the exit. No, he wasnít going to let her get away, not this time. It was now or never, he had to have an anwser. Patting Tuvok on the back and mumbling a less than intelligible congratulations Tom rushed after BíElanna. The doors had closed behind her before he reached them, and he was prepared to chase her down the corridor. Filled with a sense of security and bravery he didnít possess he took a deep breath and strode out into the corridor, nearly tripping over BíElanna Torres. So his chase wasnít going to happen, too bad. His resolve began to weaken as her eyes locked with his for a brief moment. Again in those eyes he saw himself and the soul of the woman he loved.
" BíElanna." Wasnít that a great start! Her name, how original. How smooth..
" Tom." How obviously acceptable. The moments stretched by, time slowed for Tom, her eyes blazed into his, searching for something she needed. He let his defenses slip, showing her what he saw in her eyes, himself.
I knew I loved you...
" BíElanna this is ridiculous. Itís been three days, and we havenít said more than three words to each other." Ok, he could speak, that was a plus. Her eyes had left his, probably a blessing. He could see the muscles in her jaw working. His pulse raced...his mind whirled. He felt the defenses go up, waiting for her to tell him he was right, she didnít love him. It wasnít ever going to be. Yet his tongue still went on endlessly.
" I know we were seconds away from death, suffering from oxygen deprivation. You probably didnít mean it. " There he had said it, what needed to be said. It was her move. Break it or take it, her choice.
I see my future in an instant
Her eyes shot up desperately into his, a war of emotions tumbling in them. Panic, confusion, hope, desperation, and resolve.
" No, I did mean it. But I understand if you donít reciprocate those feelings. We can just forget it ever happened." It was more than he could absorb, she meant it. BíElanna Torres loved him. He began to move forward, control of his actions out of his hands, pure instinct took over. Shut-up wasnít the most romantic thing that he could have said but it was effective. The kiss was amazing, more than he had ever dreamed.
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
Nothing mattered in that precious moment. Life stopped, the future was in the present. He didnít know where this was going or how. But she loved him and he loved her, and thatís really all he needed.
Email any comments to DbleGem22@hotmail.com
Complete lyrics to I knew I loved
you by Savage Garden†
Maybe it's intuitionI have been waiting all my life