Every Single Time, Forever

Amy Elizabeth

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and all connected to it is not mine. Period, so they can sue someone else now. The song, "If only", is by Hanson...not exactly my favorite but... they had great lyrics for this..so...

Note: Very grammatically incorrect, which is kind of on purpose...not exactly a conventional writing style in this story. 

Dedication: The wonderful ppl on D9S12:) 

Feedback: Please! :) I love hearing from ppl:) DbleGem22@hotmail.com

Every single time I see you 

I start to feel this way 

He wanted her. Gods he wanted her. He wanted her to love him, wanted it for so long. That had happened. She had told him. She loved him, he loved her. Three longs years of joys, pains, love, and war. He loved her every little quirk. Her fiery eyes, her quick temper, her loving smile, the way she tugged at her lower lip. He loved her with all his heart and soul. And it scared the hell out of him. 

It makes me wonder if I'm ever 
gonna feel this way again 

He knew he'd never love anyone as much as her. He never wanted to lose her. Never. Yet, out here, in hostile space...he could never tell when their next kiss would be their last. It didn't matter to him, not enough to keep him from loving her, every day in every way. 

There's a picture 
that's hanging at the back of my head 
I see it over and over 

He sat there in his quarters, staring at the wall. He could see her, the way her eyes would light up. He could imagine the scene that would play out. If only he could muster the courage.

Gonna hold you, love you 
In my arms and then 
He wanted to hold her, for all eternity. 
Don't wanna leave you 
cause I need to 
Be with you till the end 

He could never walk away. Ever. Whatever the alpha quadrant had it wouldn't take him away from her. Nothing could, nothing. 

Then I hear myself reply 
You've got to hold it in 
this time, tonight 

He was scared, not a natural emotion. It wasn't right, now. Not this late. She had cancelled their dinner date. She was busy, too busy for...this. 

If only I had the guts to feel this way 
And if only 

Gods, he wanted to know! Wanted to have the answer. Wanted to go to her. But he couldn't, not now, not this way. 

And if only 
You looked at me and want to stay 
And if only 
I'd take u in my arms and say 
I won't go cause I need you 
I need you.

So many questions, so many fears. He needed her. Wanted her. Adored her. If only he could know she needed him, wanted him, adored him. Maybe he was just paranoid, maybe he was just a coward. 

I sit here waiting, wondering 
hoping that I'll make this right 

But his heart was out on the table. Cards dealt. Fate was his. Yet he couldn't move. He couldn't screw this up. It had to be perfect. He would not mess this up. He couldn't afford it. 

Cause all I think about is 
your hands, your face 

She filled his mind and his senses. He was constantly reminded of her. Her smell was anywhere and everywhere. He could always see her face, feel her hands on his body. Setting his senses ablaze. 

and all these lonely nights 
there's a feeling 
screaming in the back of my head 
saying over and over 

Every night she wasn't there beside him, it tore his heart apart. Every night he lay alone, wondering what she was doing, what she was thinking. When he couldn't stop thinking about her. His mind would scream out, cry out to her soul. And feel unanswered. 

Gonna hold you, love you 
in my arms and then 
Don't want to leave you
cause I need to 
be with you to the end 

He wanted to hold her every night. He never wanted to face the emptiness again. He never wanted her to leave. 

Then I hear myself 
She'll never let you in 
this time, tonight 

She's asleep, itís just too late. He'd just have to wait till a better time, later, When he was surer. When she was less busy. When things were normal. When it was right. 

I wanna hear you say 
It'll always be this way 
we'll be hand in hand 
For every day and every night 

Yet in his heart, he knew. It was right, or at least as right as he was going to get. It was now. But his brain wouldn't let him. He just needed to know! Know her feelings. Then he mentally smacked himself. She loved him. She had said it. And he needed to know. Tonight. He was ready. 

Wanna scream and shout 
cause I'm losing any doubt 
cause all I think about is us
you and me and us and now 

He got up. He couldn't delay any longer. He had to do this. For himself, for her. For them. He went to her, still in Engineering. He bent down, looking at her shocked face. That dear face, 

" Marry me." His voice came out hoarsh, though it was ridden with emotion. 

She looked into his eyes, those clear blue eyes. And for once, despite whoever was standing there, watching this, she could see him. All the fences gone. She could see the love, the adoration, the need. Echoes of her. 

" I love you B'Elanna. With all I can. I need to be with you forever, please." The last word came out soft, barely spoken. His words stirred emotions she didn't know she had. But in the moment she realized he was right, she could never be without him. 

" Yes." She didn't question, she didn't think. She only felt. And this felt right. 

The End