Title: As Long As There Are Memories
Warnings: Nothing Yet.
Disclaimer: Tom, Harry and any Voyager character in this story belong to paramount. As does, the general idea of this story.
Summary: A program all for Harry?
Slowly creeping through the unlit quarters of Ensign Harry Kim, Tom moved closer to the sleeping man's bed.
Stopping at the foot of the bed, Tom let out a sigh and looked at the man who had changed his life. He lingered for a moment, simply gazing at the naïve, young man, taking in the slender cheekbones and the bronze skin. His attentions headed past the thick, luscious lips to Harry's eyes, which were now blanketed over by the ethnic folds of Harry's sweet chocolate eyes.
Leaning forward for a second, Tom brushed away a lock of hair that had fallen over Harry's forehead before whispering softly into his ear.
"Wake up, sleeping beauty."
"Nrrrr whhhhhhhht?" Harry mumbled, not wanting to be roused from the warm, comfy place he was in.
"Come on, Har, " Tom said, shaking Harry softly as he spoke a little louder.
Harry's eyes shot open to see a tousled Tom Paris, only inches away from him.
"Tom-what...what are you doing here?" Harry asked nervously. If Tom was here, it was more than likely that he intended to drag him off somewhere, which would undoubtedly end in trouble.
"Har, I want to show you something." Seeing confusion in Harry's eyes, Tom continued. "I was in bed staring at the ceiling, unable to get to sleep when I suddenly knew I had to show you something."
"Tom, do you have any idea what time it is?"
"0300" Tom answered instantly.
"THAT WAS NOT A QUESTION TOM! I have to be on duty at 0600!"
"Please Harry. This is really important to me!"
Sighing in defeat, and knowing he could not say no to this man, Harry pushed the blankets away, and got up.
Outside the Holodeck.
"So?" Harry asked impatiently. He had been working a double shift on the previous day, and with no food, and very little sleep, the strain was getting to him.
"Computer," Tom began, ignoring the impatient tone in Harry's voice. "Initiate program: 'A spot for Harry.'" A beep from the computer told Tom the program was running and he stepped back to let Harry enter first.
Harry's jaw dropped in awe at entering the program. It was an immaculate beach, cut off from the sea, surrounded on all sides by the island itself. In the center of the scene, was a pure, crystal clear lagoon. The air was warm, with only gentle breezes stirring the fronds of the nearby palms.
"Tom..." Unable to think of what to say about the program that could encompass it all, he went for something simple. "This is beautiful."
"It's yours Harry. All yours. I made it for you!"
"But why, Tom?"
"Because Harry, the truth is, I--I-- love you!"
"NO!" Tom stopped Harry before he could say what they both knew he had to say. "Just let me have this moment. You and me in paradise. Just let me have this, please?"
A nod from Harry made Tom's heart fill with joy. They may never be together; his feelings probably never returned. But he would have this. Them both here together. He'd have memories.
Harry knew that Tom wanted, needed more from him, but Harry wasn't sure he could give Tom any more.
"So..." Harry began, trying to break the uncomfortable silence, "want to go for a swim?"
Tom gulped in response, and Harry grinned, taking it to be a yes.
He quickly removed the shirt he always slept in. It was a deep, dark green shirt, which had belonged to Tom. Harry had commented on it looking nice one day, and Tom gave it to him. Harry never slept in anything else. It was a kind of security blanket, making him feel warm and safe. No matter how many times it was cleaned, it kept the strong scent of Tom on it, which was the main reason Harry wore it.
Harry had replicated some baggy shorts, the same colour as the shirt to sleep in, and he kept those on as he began to walk towards the unbelievably clear lagoon. Harry stopped when he realized Tom was not following him.
A blush crept up Harry's neck and face, when he saw that Tom was staring at his naked chest. Tom blushed when he noticed Harry watching him with a bright red face.
"Yes. A swim."
Wasting no more time, Tom removed his navy shirt and walked with Harry the rest of the way to the lagoon.
The water was warm and soothing. Caressing both men's soft skin.
"Tom, I know you want more from me..."
"What?" The calm mood shattered with Tom's raised voice. They had been gently floating along the surface, but drifted towards the shore and were soon standing.
"I know what you said!" Tom interrupted Harry. "You have no idea what I want! What I need. I made this for you! You're my best friend and I love you! I know you can't love me, after all" At this point Tom usually managed to restrain himself from saying what he felt, but he couldn't any more. "After all," He repeated "I'm not Libby am I?"
Harry's eyes flashed in anger at the mention of his girlfriend's name.
"You leave her out of this!"
"No! Tell me something, Harry. You use Libby as an excuse not to be with me, is that the real reason? We've been out here over two years, Harry."
"It means, Harry, you didn't use Libby to stop yourself from going on a date with the Delaneys with me. You didn't use it when you got involved with the holodeck character. So what's the real reason huh?"
Harry knew he used Libby to keep from getting close to anyone, but he was annoyed that Tom was finally telling him what he felt.
"You tell me what you think, Tom? Obviously you've thought about this a lot!" Harry thought saying that would quiet Tom, but if it did anything, it had re-energized Tom.
"You wanna know what I think? You really want to know? I think your 'I'm a friend with the criminal Tom Paris act' is just that! An act." Tom began to impersonate various crewmembers, "'Oh look there's Harry. He's friends with Paris, he's so accepting.'"
A few tears escaped Harry's eyes upon hearing what Tom really thought of him. He loved Tom like a brother, more than a brother. Tom didn't notice Harry's upset state as he continued.
"Admit it, you don't want to get together with me, because you don't want to be with someone as easy as me. Someone who's fucked half the ship. I can't blame you, Harry. Harry... Dear, sweet, naïve young Harry."
Tom's anger deflated completely when he finally looked at Harry and saw the tears falling down his soft cheeks.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Harry screamed, batting away Tom's hand. With that, he stormed out of the holodeck, grabbing the discarded shirt on the way. Once out of the holodeck, he ran all the way back to his quarters.
He collapsed on to his bed, the green shirt scrunched to his face.
Harry was still crying when the Captain commed him, and the rest of the senior officers to the bridge.
Harry entered the bridge, his eyes still red and swollen form crying. Tom was at his post, turned on his chair, looking up at Harry guiltily.
Harry ignored Tom's sad cerulean eyes, and began to work at his post.
"Captain," Tuvok began "I'm reading a high concentration of Dilithium on a planet two days off our heading.
The Captain shook her head. "We'd be late for our meeting at Drusalis 4. Mr.Kim. Take a shuttle and collect as much Dilithium as you can."
"Aye, Captain," Harry nodded in acknowledgment, Glad that he would be getting away from Tom for a few days.
"Captain," Tom spoke calmly.
"There are dense ion storms in the atmosphere. Piloting a shuttle will be exceptionally difficult."
"Commander," Harry asked in hope, "perhaps you could join me?"
"I will assign the away missions, Ensign!" The Captain sternly reprimanded.
"Lt. Paris, you will accompany Ensign Kim on this away mission. Report to the Shuttlebay immediately."
"Aye, sir." Tom stepped from his station and headed for the Turbolift. Harry stepped in first, and commanded the lift to its destination.
(On The Shuttle)
"The Ion storms will disrupt communications until we leave the planet."
"Understood, Lt. The meeting at Drusalis 4 should last at least two days."
"Very good. Janeway out."
"We're approaching the atmosphere." Tom spoke with an unsteady voice, as the ion storms shook the ship.
"The Impulse engines are going offline."
"Well I can't maneuver the storms with just the thrusters. There's not enough power in them."
"I'm doing the best I can!" Harry spat out. The feelings of hurt and anger from their earlier argument bubbling to the surface.
"All I'm saying is, if you don't get them back online in...." Tom stopped to check the sensors. "....In two minutes where going to be crash landing on this lovely planet."
Not bothering to reply Harry worked to strengthen the structural integrity.
He knew the Impulse engines wouldn't come back online within the time he had, so working to strengthen the shuttle when they impacted the surface was the best he could do.
"We're going down, impact in forty seconds."
Harry was still working busily at his console as Tom continued to count down the seconds out loud.
"The dampeners have just gone offline. I don't know if the ship will hold together."
"Four, Three, Two, one..."
Harry awoke with a stabbing pain in his side. He opened his eyes and saw the problem. A huge chunk of the shuttle's hull was imbedded through his chest.
"Tom..." Harry managed to gasp out.
Tom was trying to repair a decimated console when he heard Harry moaning his name.
"I'm right here Harry." Tom said, repeating the process of brushing away a loose lock of hair which had fallen over Harry's eyes. "You're going to be ok!"
"Tom." Speaking was painful, but he had to try. "I can barely speak. I feel so heavy. I'm cold, and..." He stopped as a rough wave of coughs racked his body.
"I can't give you anything, Harry." Hot tears fell onto Harry's battered face as Tom continued. "Both Med-Kits were destroyed. I wish I could take the pain, Harry. Take it from you and put it all in me. I wish I..."
"It's alright, Tom."
Tom gave a miserable laugh at the situation. Harry was trying to comfort him.
"Just rest, Harry. You need to rest. I'm going to get a message to Voyager, and help will be here soon!"
Harry just nodded. He knew a Distress signal wouldn't get through the Ion storms. He also knew that Voyager would be at the very least two days away, and two days was a day too long.
He was already starting to get cold, and the pain was going away, which was not a good sign. Harry couldn't stop thinking about Tom. He was more concerned at what his death would do to Tom.
(Three Hours Later)
"TOM!" Harry screamed. The pain now gone, he could talk with ease.
"Yeah, Harry. I'm here."
"I..." Harry gasped as a surge of pain shot through him. Though nearly all the pain had gone, the pain that he could feel was immense. "I need to tell you some things. Before it's too late."
"No Harry! Don't you do that. Don't you say your goodbyes! You're not going to die."
"Please Tom, just listen." A nod from Tom told him he could continue. "Tom, the argument we had in the Holodeck, about Libby? You were right. I do use her to stay out of relationships, but not for you, Tom, never for you!"
Taking in a breath Harry continued. "I wanted to be with you too Tom!" Harry continued even though Tom flinched at the words 'wanted,' already showing he was thinking in past tense.
"I wanted to be sure you were serious. You really wanted me. I knew as soon as I entered the program you made for me, that you were serious. But you kept telling me to be quiet. That you, wanted this moment, so I let you have it. I was going to tell you Tom! I swear I was but then you started to say what you thought, I got upset." Fresh tears began again from both Tom and Harry as the memories resurfaced.
"Harry, I never meant what I said. I just wanted you so badly I couldn't see straight. I didn't think I was good enough for you and that ate at me. So I just said those things so I could have a reason to stop pining for you! Not that it worked." Tom forced a smile.
"I do love you Tom, with all my heart. The shirt you gave me, I slept in every night." Seeing Toms confused look, Harry struggled to explain as his strength weakened. "It was a way to keep you close, Tom. I could smell you on the shirt. I needed to keep you close."
"Well, your going to get that chance!"
"Tom, I haven't got much time. Do you do last requests?"
"Harry." Tom sobbed.
"I've got two." Though Tom was racked with sobs he continued, knowing he was listening.
"I want you to be happy Tom. Live your life. Don't brood the rest of your life thinking of what we could have been."
"I don't want anyone but you!"
"Tom, you're going to deny my request?" He asked in mock sadness. It brought another flood of tears from Tom, but it seemed to get him to focus on Harry.
"I want you to find someone. Show them the program you made. Enjoy it with them."
"Shush, just let me finish. I don't have a long time. I want a kiss from you, Tom. I want to die with your lips on mine!"
Tom nodded, and brought his lips down to Harry's. He struggled to stop the tears at feeling the dry and cold lips. The kiss was sweet and caring. Showing the love they had for one another.
Tom began to feel Harry's lips stop responding as death approached. Attempting to pull back caused Harry to pull Tom's head toward his, keeping their lips joined. Harry's lips stopped moving, as the last of his strength slipped away.
It took many more minutes until Tom wanted to stop their kiss. Hoping if the kiss continued, then Harry would continue. But finally stopping the kiss, Tom gave up.
(Two Day's later)
Tom was found with his arms around his legs and his trousers soaked through with salty tears.
The Doctor was surprised when he found out how long Harry had survived after the crash. Harry had kept himself alive to tell Tom what needed to be said.
"Well Harry," Tom began, standing on the beach by the lagoon. "Request two I did. I swear I've never kept a promise in my life, Harry, but I'll keep this one. I'll do my best to move on. But I'll never forget you, Harry. I love you and that will never change." Tom stopped to wipe some tears escaping his eyes. "I may move on Harry, find someone else, but I'll always have my memories ,Harry."
With that, he turned and left the holodeck. Intending to grant the request made of him.